


Don't Leave Me Lonely

by AlmayCorazon



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, I hate too many tags be surprised.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmayCorazon/pseuds/AlmayCorazon
Summary: Reboot of a Quinntana plot bunny from a year ago. I found it in my files and couldn't not repost. A telling of the time that Santana stops at nothing to get exactly who and what she wants, even if that means leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake.
Relationships: Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez
Comments: 21
Kudos: 28





	1. Supermarket Flowers (Ed Sheeran)

_**A/N: Welcome, get cozy.**_

* * *

We'd been dancing, Britt's arms wrapped securely around me as she showed me the steps to the show she'd just choreographed.

Sweat made my clothes cling to me in that hot theater and I knew that I'd remember that moment forever.

The way that she smiled at me, her eyes twinkling so perfectly as my phone rang for the third time in a row from the side of the stage.

 _"You should get that_." Britt said, her voice deeper than normal, sending shivers over me.

All these years later and she still made me swoon.

Even with all the shit we'd been through in the past year, separating and living apart...I lived for moments like this when it was just the two of us, forgetting the drama and just enjoying each other.

I was amazed that it was still a thing we could do and that she still made me feel things that I had long been trying to ignore.

She dropped a kiss on my forehead and repeated herself. _"You should get that."_

I nodded and pulled away from her arms, even if they felt like a home that I had long forgotten.

How could she still feel like home when we'd both moved on?

I could feel her eyes on me as I picked up my needy phone and unlocked the screen.

* * *

**_2 missed calls from Papi._ **

**_1 missed call from Celia._ **

**_1 missed call from Sandra._ **

**_4 missed calls from Quinn._ **

My heart stilled as I put my phone on speaker and hit my voicemail.

 _"Santi, call me back, it's important."_ Papi said, sounding concerned.

 _"Bebe, it's me again, please pick up."_ Papi sounded like he waited this time for me to pick up and then there was a click.

 _"Sis, where are you? Call me."_ Celia said, sounding just as anxious as Papi.

 _"Ana call me when you hear anything. I love you."_ Sandra said, her voice sounding anxious.

_"San, it's Q. Shit is kinda falling apart here. Call someone, anyone. Okay? I love you."_

* * *

The moment that I heard the affection from Q, who was back home in Lima with my sister, I knew something was very wrong.

We didn't drop I love yous like that, it just wasn't our style.

And then my phone rang again.

It was Quinn, thankfully.

 _"Hey, sorry I was dancing."_ I said.

_"With B?"_

I looked over and saw that Britt was drinking water and wiping her sweaty body with a towel.

My hormones were heightened.

_"Yeah."_

_"Hey, not the time to be a horn-dog, this is serious."_

_"What is it?"_

_"It's your mom...you should get on the next plane out."_

_"What happened this time?"_

_"The infection spread to her brain, just like they thought it would. She's on life support."_

_"Oh."_

_"I know that you've been building yourself up for this and waiting for the next shoe to drop. Well that time is now. So I need you to get here."_

_"Wow...um...tell me the odds?"_ I could feel my world caving but my brain needed facts and figures, I needed to know when to panic.

_"There are no signs of brain activity."_

_"For how long?"_

_"Three hours."_

_"I'm on my way."_

The line clicked before I could just hang up on her like I was about to do.

Quinn knew me too well.

* * *

 _"Baby?"_ Britt called and I bit down on my palm, shaking my head as the urge to scream began to bubble towards my lips.

 _"Don't call me that."_ I said when I felt her hovering just behind me, the smell of her soothing my rolling stomach.

She sighed heavily and then sucked in a breath and then cleared her throat before changing course.

_"What happened?"_

_"It's Mami."_

She put her arms on me and turned me around, in all our years together she had been soft with me but since our separation, she'd become more forceful.

Stern even.

Her eyes met mine but I refused to break down like I knew she wanted me to.

It seemed that everyone was expecting that from me these days.

No one got that part of me anymore.

Not Brittany.

Not Quinn.

 _"It's time?"_ She asked looking at me hopefully.

This has been going on for over a year and had been instrumental in our downfall.

I just couldn't be what she needed and now she was looking at me with hope...that Mami could finally rest.

And no one could decide to let her off life support but me.

Papi had made it so and now I needed to suck up whatever shred of feeling I had left and fly home.

_"It's time."_

_"Can I come with you?"_

I pulled my arms from her hands and took a step back.

_"No. That's not your job anymore."_

_"But...we were...trying...right?"_

_"No. You stay here. You spend time with your little family. Do your show."_

_"You're important to me, Baby."_

_"Don't. Call. Me. That."_ I growled at her and her face went pale.

This time she understood.

Old me would have regretted the tears in her eyes but I wasn't her anymore.

Nothing was the same.

Especially not me.

* * *

I had made the trip back to Ohio so often that the guys at TSA knew my face.

The flight attendants all asked about Mami and I broke it to them that this was it.

I got hugs and extra free drinks.

And when I walked out of the airport and climbed into the car beside Papi, he was just as cold as me.

The love of his life was finally leaving us and he was just as broken.

They'd divorced when I was a baby but the love between them had never wavered, not even when he remarried and had other children.

I had a feeling that me and Britt would be the same way.

If I could feel anything at all, I'm sure that I'd feel like that about her.

* * *

I slipped my hand into my mother's limp and cold one as the machines worked at keeping her alive.

The rise and fall of her chest was unnatural and mechanical.

 _"Did she have her last rites?"_ I asked Papi as he rested his hand on my shoulder.

I knew better than to shrug him off since he was pretty much all that I had left.

Papi was the single person in all of existence at the moment that could break through the wall of ice that I lived behind.

_"This morning, Father Carlos stopped by."_

_"Great and there's no opportunity to donate?"_ I asked and he shook his head.

_"The infection has effected all of her viable organs."_

_"That's a shame."_ I murmured as I brushed a hand over my mother's swollen face.

Her body had finally given up it's fight.

They promise me that there was no pain but how could they know.

One year in a coma, two surgeries that led to spreading something so insidious that it struck little by little instead of all at once.

I'd flown home to say goodbye to Mami twelve times now and so this time, I figured would be like any other only it wasn't.

No brain activity.

Her body was shutting down.

There was no coming back.

_"Whenever you're ready."_

I took a deep breath and shoved aside all the pain that I felt.

_"Now. If we don't do it now, I don't know if I can come back."_

* * *

Things moved quickly after that.

And even though it was frowned upon, the moment that she was unplugged, I climbed onto that bed and wrapped her body with mine.

There was still the faint smell that was unique to her as I rested my head on her chest.

My first sounds were her breaths and her heartbeats and now I was listening to them stop forever.

Morbid as it was, it felt like I was coming full circle.

And when the sounds stopped twenty one minutes later, nearly two years of tears began to creep out of me.

I finally allowed myself to break.

Papi stood century as I broke apart.

No one entered the room as my walls tumbled.

There was shuffling around the room, the sound of teddy bears, balloons, and wilted flowers being thrown into the trash.

She didn't need them and neither did we.

* * *

I fell asleep against my mother's body and woke up against my father's.

He held me in his lap like I was no bigger than a child.

They'd wheeled away her body and now he was waiting for me to wake up.

But I didn't want to.

Living in a world without my mother was not a reality I was ready for.

Maybe not ever.

The buzzing of my phone forced me to unravel myself from Papi's arms.

When we were on our feet he pressed his thumbs beneath my eyes and wiped away my tears.

_"Let's get you home."_

_"My home is with her."_

_"And also with me."_ He said and I knew that stubborn tone.

Even though I was hurting, so was he and I couldn't argue.

* * *


	2. In My Dreams (James Morrison)

If I was a zombie before, now I'm a golem.

Nothing I do is premeditated, I just float on autopilot.

Mami is gone.

That's all that repeats.

Her heart beating slower and slower in my dreams.

My nights are fitful and filled with sobs but every morning, I get up, I go to appointments, I make arrangements and then I sit with my family as they relive memories of my mother with no input from me.

I'm somewhere else entirely, just waiting to go back to bed so that I can see her again in my dreams.

We walk together by the pond, holding hands and she goes from a giant to being so small that I can wave my arms above her head without much effort.

Quinn and Celia come and stay with me after the second night of my house shaking sobs.

I'm sandwiched between them in the bed but nothing that they say or do gets through.

Through a miracle of sorts, the service gets planned.

Every detail is met and I'm completely convinced that my people were going behind me and picking up the slack.

I wouldn't be surprised, honestly.

I shut down and people step up, Mami was always the first to do so and now...who would be next

* * *

My answer came the next morning, both obvious and slightly annoying.

 _"I brought you this,"_ A cup and a bag were shoved into my hands moments after I opened the door to my father's house, _"I'm not going to ask the stupid questions everyone asks. I'm just insisting that you eat something."_

I looked into his eyes and knew that he'd already talked to Quinn and my father, there was no need to ask the stupid questions when he already knew the answers.

 _"Thanks, Felo."_ I mumbled as I stepped back for him to pass me. Only he didn't, instead he pressed his lips to mine and then brushed his hands across my stomach.

 _"How's the munchkin?"_ I shrugged and he scowled almost immediately. _"Eat the sandwich, drink the tea and then I'll help you get dressed. Okay?"_

I nodded and then turned to walk away from him.

Like the smooth motherfucker that he is, he fell into step with me without a word.

Like I said, annoying.

 _"I haven't said anything to anyone yet."_ I said to him just before we walked into the kitchen. _"They can't know right now."_ I stressed but I knew from the look on Felo's face that he didn't give a flying fuck how I felt about it.

This was something happy and right now that's what the world needed.

At least, the world according to Felix Pacheco, the ' _father'_ of my unborn child.

The rage that filled me was new.

Anything other than pure sadness was not something I was expecting.

I turned on him, blocking the door with my body which was much smaller than his but he stopped short.

My sharp nail poked at his chest and his eyes danced with amusement.

_"En serio, I'm begging you, I can barely handle the pity in their eyes and the way they are always watching me...if you tell them it will only get worse and I can't take that shit right now. I wanted this kid, I paid for this kid and so trust me, I'm not going to fuck it up. I asked you to be a part of this because I trusted you to have my back and I thank you for all you have done. Just be cool for once in your fucking life. Please?"_

Maybe it was the desperation on my face or the tears in my eyes but he kissed my forehead and nodded.

_"Okay, just let me see you eat that thing so I can relax, okay?"_

_"You got it."_

* * *

Felo stood by his word and said nothing about my situation but that didn't mean that he stopped hovering.

No, sir, that fucker held doors, navigated me around puddles and when it came time to head to the cemetery, he stopped me before I could get into the limo.

_"You sure about this?"_

_"Burying my mother? Of course, pendejo."_

_"What about that whole thing about going into cemeteries while pregnant?"_

_"That's a superstition and brujeria, I'm not going to avoid going in there because of some stupid folktale."_

_"What's going on?"_ Q said, climbing out of the car for the sole purpose of inserting herself in our conversation.

 _"Get back in the car Q ball."_ I growled as I shook off Felo. _"I'm going to say goodbye to my mother, don't you dare try to stop me."_

He looked at Quinn for assistance on something she didn't even have a clue about.

 _"Why can't she go?"_ Q asked and Felo glared at me.

 _"What?"_ I snapped at him.

 _"Not even your best friend?"_ He whisper yelled.

 _"No."_ I muttered.

Q was looking between us and before I could stop her she yanked the door to the car open and whistled.

Like the fucking faithful lapdog that she is, Celia climbed out of the car to join in.

So now here we were the four of us holding up the procession all because Felo wanted to throw a tantrum.

 _"What seems to be the problem?"_ Celia asked looking directly at Felo, instead of me.

_"I don't think that Santana should go to the cemetery in her condition."_

I aimed my heel straight at his foot but he moved before I could strike.

 _"And what condition is that."_ Q asked but then Celia, the bruja that she pretended not to be looked at me and then pressed two fingers to my neck.

Her eyes went wide and then she shook her head.

_"I agree. You should head back to the house."_

_"See!"_ Felo said, a shit eating grin on his face.

 _"Can someone tell me what's going on?"_ Q said, and I could tell that she was trying to sound tough but the whine betrayed her.

 _"She's pregnant."_ Celia said.

_"What? How don't I know that? Who is the father? Are you not gay anymore?"_

_"This is why."_ I said to Felo, _"I didn't want to answer any fucking questions today. I just want to see Mami off."_

I let out a sob and covered my face with my arm as the dam broke.

They tried to wrap me up in their arms but I pulled away.

 _"What's the big deal about the cemetery?"_ Q asked Celia.

_"Bad luck."_

_"She doesn't believe in luck."_

_"Doesn't mean it doesn't exist._ " Celia shot back and then she was pulling my arm away. _"How about we pull up next to the plot and you stay in the fucking car?"_

 _"With the window down?"_ I said.

_"Yes."_

_"Okay."_ I was too tired to fight and I knew in my heart that Mami would be arguing for me not to go in either, so in that moment, I just told myself that I was honoring Mami's wishes.

Fuck everyone else.

* * *

True to my word, I sat in the back of the limo with Quinn by my side as we watched the service and then the burial.

I rested my head against her shoulder and waited for her to ask me the questions that she had brewing but instead she just held me and periodically dropped kisses on the top of my head.

And when it was over, she shooed away my sister and Felo to the next car, leaving just her to be the one to escort me home.

Relief filled me as she put up the window and continued to stay silent.

 _"I'm still gay."_ I said to her and she sighed.

_"It's okay if you're not completely gay, being fluid is okay...I mean look at me."_

_"I know that but I'm a lesbian and no sex was had to create this little parasite."_ I said taking one of her bawled up fists and bringing it to my barely there bump. _"I asked Felo to donate his sperm, it worked on the first try. Now he's overprotective of a baby that I plan to raise on my own."_

_"Does B know?"_

Her hand was warm against the coldness that seemed to linger on my skin. She'd pushed up my blouse so that she could press her hand to my flesh and it did more to calm me than anything else had in years.

_"No. Up until an hour ago, it was just me and Felo."_

_"Wow."_

_"It was right around the time when things were looking up, when Mami woke up from the first surgery and they thought she'd make a recovery."_

_"She was awake for like an hour."_

_"But it gave me hope and so I ran with it."_

_"Do you regret it?"_

I put my hand over hers and leaned more against her, absorbing all the warmth that I could.

_"Not for a second."_

_"How far are you?"_

_"15 weeks."_

* * *

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"Because you're fucking my sister, even if you don't think I know about it and I know how loose your lips are after an orgasm."_

She tried to pull her hand away but I gripped her wrist and kept her in place.

_"I think I love her, it's not just sex."_

_"Call it what you want, I really don't care."_

_"You do though, I was your backup. You left your wife out of grief, she fell in love with someone else and instead of you being able to come to me because I was busy falling for your sister, you got stuck all alone."_

_"You got that right."_

_"I can still be your backup if things don't work out between me and Ceily."_

_"No thanks. I have this kid to love on."_

_"What about B?"_

_"She is in love with someone else."_

_"She's still in love with you though."_

_"And she wants me to share her and I won't do that."_

_"So what, you go back to New York and raise a kid while you finish your residency?"_

_"No, Q. I'm not going back to New York and I damn sure can't spend another minute in the hospital."_

_"I get that."_

* * *

We didn't continue talking after the car pulled up outside of Papi's house.

Instead I did something that I promised myself that I wouldn't.

I was so tired of doing what everyone else wanted, I needed something that was mine, thus the baby but that wasn't enough.

Nothing ever was...until now...and that's only because I needed to seize control of my life.

No more autopilot.

I locked the doors, put up the divider between the driver and us, then I turned to Q.

 _"I plan to make a run for it, Q and even though it's insane, you should leave Ceily and come with me."_ I said and when her eyes went wide, I leaned forward and kissed her lips.

There was no hesitation as she kissed me back.

Her hands gripped my jacket and I buried my fingers in her hair.

It was the first time that I had crossed the line in ten years and I only regretted that Celia had gotten to her first.

She dropped one of her hands and pressed it against my bump and then her hand moved up to my boob.

I groaned against her and she kissed me harder.

And then there was the knock on the window that was thankfully tinted.

I rested my forehead against hers, her lips smeared with my blood red lipstick.

_"Run away with me, Q."_

There were tears in her eyes.

_"Okay."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'd follow you anywhere, S."_

_"Promise me?"_

Another knock.

Her eyes still looked into mine.

_"I promise you."_

One last kiss and then I handed her a make-up wipe and then fixed my hair.

No one could know about my plan because I was certain that rumors of my pregnancy were already circulating and that alone would invite people's opinions.

Like Papi's.

Quinn was my ride or die and I was counting on her to keep her word.

It was the first time that I was letting my guard down for anyone, I just hope I don't regret it.

* * *

**_A/N: Quinntana or bust._ **


	3. Let Me Go (Hailee Steinfeld feat. Alesso & Florida Georgia Line)

_"What should I have done? I've always loved her...you knew that!"_

They thought they were being quiet as they argued but I was just on the other side of the wall and despite it being the middle of the night, I heard every word.

_"She's not in her right mind, Luce. You can't seriously be leaving me for her."_

_"Right mind or not, I cannot walk away from her."_

_"So I was what, a consolation prize?"_

_"Celia, I..."_

_"Answer me!"_

_"That's not what this was."_

_"We've been together for a year! We live together for Christ's sake how was this ever going to work if you have been harboring feelings for my sister?"_

Felo pulled me close to him in his sleep and I could feel evidence of whatever dream he was having.

Gross.

I tried to pull away but he held me firmly.

 _"Stop."_ I said, slapping at his arm but he didn't budge.

 _"What happened in that car earlier?"_ He asked, apparently very awake and still pressing himself against my ass.

_"Why's that any of your concern?"_

_"Because, you have been casually hooking up with me for weeks and now you're pulling away, they're arguing about you and I just don't get it."_

_"I'm horny, blame the kid but that doesn't mean that I'm feeling you like that Felo. You're just a warm body."_

I swear I could hear his eye roll even though I couldn't see him.

_"I know that. I've always been clear on my role in this. Sperm donor, casual hook-up, and sometimes body guard. Technically your boss. I know who I am and who you, my resident pain in ass. What I don't get is how did you go from a zombie to a homewrecker in the span of a day?"_

_"If you know your lane, why are you in mine?"_

_"Because of this."_ He stretched out his hand and covered my whole stomach. Shivers went through me because wow, but I tried to tamp them down, I didn't need him getting any ideas of a family life stuck in his head.

* * *

He was getting too attached.

I grabbed his wrist and pressed my thumb against the pressure point with my nail.

He hissed and pulled his hand back and I used that opportunity to roll away from him.

Before he knew it, I was on my feet, flicking on the light and shuffling into my robe and slippers.

Felo looked at me with crazy eyes as he cradled his wrist in his hand.

_"What was that for?"_

_"The contract we created together...it's legally binding."_

_"I know."_ He said.

 _"Then why are you being so fucking clingy if you know that I plan to do this on my own?"_ Unlike the two banshees in the next room, I knew how to keep my voice down. Papi didn't need this right now.

_"I just thought that after losing Maribel, you'd need comfort. I'm trying to be that for you."_

_"Fuck you, Felix. I absolutely do NOT want your comfort. The only person who can give me that is in the next room. I already agreed to let you be a godfather to this kid as long as you didn't stake a claim and what was your response to that?"_

_"I agreed."_

_"Then please, I am fucking begging you to back off."_

He threw up his hands and let out a sigh.

_"Fine."_

_"Promise me that we won't need to have this convo again."_

_"I promise."_

_"And no more hooking up, it's blurring the lines obviously, got it?"_

_"Yeah...that would help, I guess."_

_"Good. Now, I'm going to go save my girl from my sister's wrath and when I get back, I hope it's to an empty bed."_

_"You're kicking me out in the middle of the night?_ _You're serious?_ _"_ He actually looked shocked.

_"As a motherfucking quadruple bypass."_

He actually smirked, appealing to him as a cardio thoracic resident to cardiac surgeon seemed to do the trick.

* * *

I knocked on Celia's door and there was a thud of a body against it in response.

There was grunt and a moan.

Good God, they were actually fucking now.

I heard a familiar growl and then a curse.

Fine, a goodbye fuck was deserved, who was I to fault them.

I was wired though, so I went back to my room and saw Felo sitting on my bed as he shoved his feet into his shoes.

 _"I'm leaving."_ He grumbled.

Again, hormones.

I pushed him backwards, straddling his waist as I climbed on top of him. His hands gripped my hips as he looked up at me.

_"Blurred lines, Santana."_

He was turned on and I could tell that he was trying to turn it off but I knew that it wasn't so easy.

_"They're fucking."_

_"I heard."_

_"I thought maybe...we could, like a goodbye."_

He sat up and wrapped his arms around me before standing up.

My legs slipped and he held me until my feet were on the floor.

_"No. You made a good point earlier. I fall in love easy and I know you will never give me what I want so right now, I need you to stand by your word. If the two of them want to fuck, let them but as far as you and me go, we need to be done."_

_"Fine."_ I had my arms crossed over my chest, pouting. _"A kiss then, doc?"_

He rolled his eyes and leaned forward, kissing me harder than I expected.

I soaked it in, marking just how different this was from all other kisses.

No love, just a casual roughness to it.

I needed more and there was only one person to get it from.

Unfortunately, I had to wait for her to be done fucking my sister into submission.

What a warped world.

* * *

 _"Don't quit residency. You're almost done."_ He said when he pulled back.

_"I love being a surgeon, I just...I've spent way too much time in the hospital lately. I'm tired."_

His hands were cupping my face now, our bodies were barely touching but I could feel his warmth.

_"We bonded over our dead or dying parents and our love of heart surgery. I've spent time getting to know your family over the last four years and the number one thing that Maribel was proud of was you deciding to go to med school and become a doctor."_

_"I know."_

_"You're so close."_

_"I know."_

_"Once the munchkin is here it's going to be impossible to throw yourself into going back as a resident. You can take a break between residency and fellowship...the baby's birth lines up with you finishing residency before you even get out of the second trimester. That's like two months from now."_

_"I know."_

_"Just think about it. I know you plan to disappear but maybe do it after residency."_

I sucked in a breath because I thought I hid that better.

_"How did you know?"_

_"You told me it's what you planned to do once your mother was gone, way back on one of those drunken nights."_

_"I hate how chatty I get when I drink."_

He leaned in again and dropped a quick kiss before stepping back.

_"I love it, frankly it's the only time you're open and honest with me. Call me when you get back to the city. I love you."_

_"Thanks Felo, I love you too and I promise to think about it, okay?"_

_"Good."_

* * *

Felo gave me one last kiss on the forehead and then rubbed my little bump before leaving me finally.

And while I was desperate for love at the moment, I knew that I couldn't replace what I truly needed with a cheap replacement. He was right to stop me and while I grumbled about him rebuffing me, I was actually really grateful for him.

I grabbed my comforter and unlatched my window, not even looking back towards my door because I needed the time and space.

Even from Quinn.

I walked the unstable bridge to my tree house and then closed the door behind me.

The spring air still had the chill of winter but the kid had turned my body into a furnace so this chill was actually a welcome reprieve.

I couldn't remember the last time that I had actually entered my tree house but from the looks of the pillow fort in the corner on top of the twin sized mattress, my nephews had been keeping it warm for me.

That thought made me smile.

Sandra would be so excited to know that I had a little cousin for her boys brewing in my belly but I was going to keep this little munchkin to myself for as long as I could.

No one seemed to know about the pregnancy yet, thankfully, and I was hoping to keep it that way.

I collapsed into the little bed and wrapped my blanket around me, burrito style, feet tucked and all.

Even if I was a furnace, I wasn't chancing freezing my tits off.

I smiled to myself as the darkness took me under.

Each time that I fell asleep I felt a little closer to the death that would someday claim me and it filled me with peace.

B had once asked me if I was suicidal when I told her how I felt while falling asleep but how could I expect someone who believed so much in rainbows and unicorns to understand that death was something that I would embrace when the time comes?

Like I told Sue ages ago, I'd never kill myself, I'd miss me too much.

* * *

The heat of the sun burned against my back as I walked hand in hand with Mami.

_"So Santi, how does it feel to have gotten into med school?"_

Britt and I had been married for five years when Lord Tubbington died and we flew back to Lima.

I'd been working hard to finish my undergrad and the surprise of getting into med school had been what I'd returned home with.

We'd been having problems in New York with B wrapped up as a minor character on Broadway and me in school but B had supported me in my decision to dedicate the next four plus years to becoming a doctor just like Papi.

_"It's unreal."_

_"Like I always told you, mi'ja, you can do anything that your heart desires."_

_"What if what I really desire is going off on my own to figure out who I am?"_

_"As in?"_

_"I love her Mami but I feel like I rushed it."_

_"Uh huh."_

_"You can say it."_

_"Say what?"_

_"You know what."_

She looked at me with a wicked smile and then finally put up her hands in mock surrender.

_"I told you how I felt back then and it doesn't bear repeating."_

_"I should have listened."_

_"You would have regretted not marrying her just as much as you regret jumping in too fast. You get that from me, that impulse to jump in feet first."_

_"Papi says I get that from him."_

_"He's probably right, we both have a little of that."_

_"Mami?"_

_"Yes, Santi?"_

_"Do you regret having me?"_

_"Not for a second."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Mamita, when I felt like I was at the end of my rope and your father was doing scut as a resident, I knew that I needed a tether."_

_"To keep you here?"_

_"I wouldn't have killed myself but I knew that mentally, emotionally and all the ways it counts, I would have checked out. You saved my life."_

* * *

My body was shaking as Mami's words rang through my head.

I felt like this kid was my tether, my reason for staying lucid and it wasn't until this moment that I remembered her words.

She'd been right.

Hopefully I could be to the kid what she was to me.

As I began to wake up, I was aware of being surrounded by a pair of arms.

I turned from the wall I was facing and the arms slipped a bit.

Quinn was looking at me with a small smile and just behind her sleeping against the wall were Celia and Sandra.

 _"Hey."_ I whispered and she leaned in and kissed my lips.

 _"She let me go."_ Q said.

_"I heard."_

She blushed bright red and cleared her throat.

_"You heard that?"_

_"Yeah, I heard ALL of that."_

_"Are you mad?"_

_"How could I be?"_

She kissed me again, this time harder and I let out a moan.

One that I knew from the throat clearing across the small space, had woken up my sisters.

I pulled back and looked over at them.

Sandra looked annoyed and I knew that she knew it all.

And I knew she was disappointed that I hadn't been the one to tell her about any of it.

 _"Promise us that you won't be dead in a ditch somewhere."_ She said, just as harsh as always.

 _"Q will make sure of that, it's why I agreed to let her go."_ Celia said to her.

I watched Q roll her eyes and tried not to laugh in response.

 _"Thank you for letting me steal your girl."_ I said to my sister.

_"Yeah, sure, she was apparently never mine to begin with."_

_"You hate me, don't you?"_ I said to her, fake pout in place.

_"No because your mom just died and like Q pointed out, we were bed warmers for each other. If she is going to be with anyone, why not you."_

_"Gee, thanks."_ I muttered.

* * *

The situation should have been awkward but as we all had breakfast and Celia had announced the breakup like it was old news and claimed to have no hard feelings.

She'd done nothing to make it seem like the situation was what it was.

And she covered my ass by telling Papi that me and Q were going to spend some time decompressing from all the heaviness and everyone, including Papi agreed.

I guess my plan to runaway was now a family sanctioned vacation.

At least the kid was still a secret between Q and my sisters for now.

That at least, I still had control over.

And I was crazy grateful.

It could have been worse.

* * *

As we headed to the airport, Q's hand in mine, I felt like returning to my residency would be easier with her by my side.

Felo had been right.

And dream Mami had been right.

Two more months and I'd be officially done with residency.

After that we'd make a run for it.

By then, I'd have told Papi about the baby and Quinn and it would seem like we'd fallen in love naturally and the trip would be a baby-moon.

All above board.

It felt like Mami had worked her magic in making sure that the road ahead of me went smoothly.

Maybe I was starting to believe a little in luck after all.

And maybe every thing would work out.

Maybe I'd even been through my biggest life challenge.

Just maybe.


	4. Heavy (Birdtalker)

The full weight of my trip to Lima doesn't hit me until I'm back in my apartment, standing in front of my full length mirror naked and dripping wet from the hottest shower that I could manage in this old apartment building.

So much of my look is my Papi, my complexion, my height, my face but the little things that are hardly noticeable come from Mami still existing even after she's gone. The birthmark just below my belly button that is beginning to stretch out of shape because of the kid and the many beauty marks that litter my skin all call out to me as reminders.

All of it from her.

Quinn had gone back to work almost as soon as we got off the plane. The work of a young soap opera star is never done, even if soaps are nearly extinct. She kissed my face a hundred times as she left me on my threshold, with apologies pouring from her lips.

_"Two days and then you and I can run away for the weekend."_

_"I have school on Monday...I'm not sure I'll have time to get caught up if we go away."_ I actually whined.

But if anyone knew my whines in and out, it was definitely Quinn.

 _"And I have a script to learn by Monday, so we will set some time aside to do our adulting but you need rest. It's evident to me that you have been barely hanging on and I have been too distracted to help you but alas, not any longer."_ She tipped up my chin and gave me a huge, beautiful grin before kissing my face some more.

An alert went off on her phone and she groaned before kissing my lips one last time.

 _"Go."_ I whispered when her phone chimed again.

 _"Thai?"_ She asked, knowing somehow that once I went inside the apartment, I probably wasn't leaving.

_"Yes."_

_"I'll bring that and a surprise for you. One more kiss?"_ She asked and I obliged.

How could I not?

* * *

I had locked the door to my apartment and left my luggage by the door.

The place smelled like hot ass and feet with just the hint of apple cinnamon.

I had left in a hurry, not bothering to take out my trash or do the dishes.

The fog of impending doom was finally lifted.

Mami was gone, there was no longer this feeling of temporary permanence that I had fallen into.

Things felt concrete for once and I didn't know what that meant just yet.

So I picked up a dry erase marker and wiped the board clean with my sleeve before doing what Mami had been teaching me to do since I could read.

Make a list.

Step by step, cross things out and conquer the heavy until it feels benign.

* * *

TURN ON MUSIC.

WASH DISHES.

DRY DISHES.

SWEEP.

STEAM MOP.

UNPACK LUGGAGE.

SORT LAUNDRY.

WASH LAUNDRY INCLUDING CURRENT CLOTHES.

DRY LAUNDRY.

SHOWER.

WASH AND DEEP CONDITION HAIR.

BRUSH TEETH.

MUD MASK.

FOLD LAUNDRY.

PUT AWAY LAUNDRY.

CALL PAPI.

* * *

I stepped back and looked at the list.

All together it was daunting to think of but written out with no deadline felt better than muddling through.

I took a deep breath and went to the kitchen and started from the top.

If anyone told her, I'd deny it until I was blue in the face, but when I get all maudlin, I like to listen to Rachel singing.

Something about that proverbial pain in my side, makes me want to do better than whatever my current situation reflected.

So on went the soundtrack of her current show and began to sing along.

There were 30 tracks on the record and I got to the end just as I was waiting for my laundry to finish drying.

I'd crossed off most of the list and decided to skip ahead to the very end.

* * *

" _Hello?"_

_"Bendicion, Papi."_

_"Hi baby girl, how are you?"_

_"Probably as good as you."_

_"There's no way you are also throwing yourself into work as a distraction."_

_"I'm almost through my list."_

_"Mami's girl."_

_"Yup."_

_"And me?"_

_"I'm in med school, so who's girl am I really?"_

_"Ah, touche."_

_"I go back on Monday."_

_"Can I talk to you about this Quinn situation?"_

_"Sure, I can't promise I'll give you the response that you want."_

_"You rarely do, it's all a part of the excitement of being a parent. You'll see."_

I felt a blush come over me.

 _"Papi..."_ I began but he tsked.

_"You're an adult, you have a good head on your shoulders. I trust you."_

_"Thank you."_ I felt the tears welling up and my nose clogged up.

_"Back to Quinn. Promise me that you will tread lightly."_

_"I promise."_

_"She's not Brittany."_

_"God, do I know that!"_ I laughed and so did he.

_"Celia is sore about it, you need to stay mindful of how you conduct yourselves on social media and at gatherings."_

_"I know, Papi."_

_"I know you think you know it all and I know that Quinn thinks she knows it all but her track record tells me that she has one glaring flaw."_

_"And what's that?"_

_"She can be fickle in love."_

_"Papi that's not true."_

_"Finn. Noah. Sam. that Yale kid. You. Her professor. Noah again. You again. Celia. You a third time."_

_"Are you calling her whore?"_

_"No, I love her like daughter. I always have but you know you're kids. Just like I know that Brittany is flaky but loyal. Quinn can be like Russell."_

_"Did you give Celia this speech?"_ Now I felt defensive.

_"Yes and she came to me and told me that I was right. So go slow. You're hurting and hormonal."_

_"Papi, I tire of this barrage of insults you are aiming at someone you call a daughter."_

_"Pshhh you should hear the crap I talk about you!"_

And just like that, he'd turned my mood. I knew he was speaking from a good place.

I knew Quinn's track record just as well and maybe even better than him.

So the reminder was helpful but that didn't mean that I liked it.

* * *

After I hung up with Papi, I folded my laundry and then climbed into the shower with a million things running through my mind.

Papi had set something off in me.

I stood in front of that mirror seeking the parts of me that were my father and the parts of me that were certainly my mother.

That's how she found me.

My skin red and blotchy, my eyes full of tears, and my head as heavy as my heart.

She smiled softly at me and then began to pull off her rings before finding my lotion.

I didn't move as I watched her move around my space like it was hers.

In true Quinn form, she hummed to herself in the silence of my apartment.

The music having long ended and not replaced with something else.

She stood behind me rubbing lotion between her palms before blowing into her hands.

Then with all the confidence of someone who knew me intimately, she began to rub her hands against my skin.

I groaned and she just continued humming.

And then Papi's words came back to me.

Fickle.

How many people had she done this for?

How special was I?

 _"What's wrong?"_ She asks and I shrug but then her hands still on my waist. _"Tell me. Please?"_

And so I did, I told her every detail of what Papi had said.

Lesser people would have been pissed.

Brittany would have cried but not Quinn.

Instead she just looked at me with her thinking face.

Eyebrows scrunched and a slight scowl.

_"Say something."_

_"He has a point. I can be fickle when I'm not fully invested in a person. Celia was the closest that I came to being loyal but that was because she was as much of you as I ever thought I'd get."_

_"But you've had me."_

_"No, Britt had you, I never really had you as mine. It's all I've ever really wanted. I can't promise you that there won't be doubts on both sides, we both have trust issues. I left your sister like it was nothing, that's going to bother you. You pushed your wife into someone else's arms because you felt like you weren't enough for her. You pushed until she finally gave in. That's scary to me. What I can promise you,"_ She kissed my shoulder and then circled my waist. _"Is that if you give me a chance, I will respect your needs and your desires. I will give you space when you need it but I will also be on your ass when you need it. I will always be your best friend."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So you don't mind going slow?"_

_"Definitely not. I also agree not to flaunt us on socials."_

_"Okay."_

_"Yeah? Can I finish?"_

_"Please?"_

_"Say less."_

* * *

_**A/N: Happy New Year, my loves.** _


	5. Crazy (Jessie Reyez)

She cradles me all night long.

Old Santana would have tried to fuck her or at the very least try to seduce her into fucking me.

Right then though, I just needed her arms around me holding me together until I was ready to do it for myself.

Mami and I are back at the lake again in my dreams but there is no dialogue this time, instead we watch the sunset and hold hands as we walk.

A warmth fills me as I allow the closeness of her touch to remind me that she was still here.

It's with that peace and comfort that I am awakened to a persistent knock.

The bed is cold but the sun is shining brightly into my bedroom.

I can smell Quinn's perfume as it goes stale in the air.

She'd been gone awhile.

When I slide out of bed, the knocking is still going.

I try to recapture the feeling of peace that my dreams had filled me with but I was crazy to think that could be recaptured with the obnoxiousness of reality.

So it's with barely any clothing on that I yank the door open.

 _"Hey."_ Britt says, trying to actually look embarrassed. I must look really pissed.

 _"What is it?"_ I say without stepping back.

She'd forfeited the right to just barge into my home months ago when she tried to bring HER here on a whim.

_"Can I come in?"_

She tried it.

_"No."_

_"But I'm here alone."_

_"I don't care."_

_"Don't be so cold, baby."_ She says as she brings her hand up to touch my bare arm.

I jerk back and she looks hurt.

Good.

_"What do you want?"_

_"Uh..."_ She looked flustered and confused. _"To check on you. How did everything go?"_

I rolled my eyes up and tried to fight the tears but it was useless.

_"_ _My mother is dead._ _How the fuck do you think it went?"_

_"Oh."_

_"Is that it?"_

She readjusted her duffel bag and then unzipped it, searching for a moment before pulling out a gold music box that had Lopez inscribed on the top.

_"I just wanted to give this to you, we aren't together anymore and now that Maribel is gone, I figured you'd want it back."_

The tears were streaking down my cheeks as I looked at the music box in her hands.

 _"Fuck."_ I said and then opened the door fully.

Leave it to Brittany to know just how to slip back behind my walls.

Fuck.

* * *

I cradled the music box in my hands as I walked back to my bedroom, leaving Britt by the doorway.

The front door closed and then I heard her kick off her shoes.

At least she'd remembered that rule.

I didn't look back at her as I crossed the threshold into my bedroom and sat at my barely used vanity.

A note was scrawled right in the center.

_**S-** _

_**Leaving you this morning was the hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time. Until tonight.** _

_**-Q** _

I smiled as I looked at the blood red lipstick kiss imprint on the paper.

My lipstick.

And just like that I was smiling again.

I traced her swirly handwriting and let myself remember the feel of her body pressed against mine.

_"Q?"_

I looked up to see Britt leaning over and reading my note.

_"Yeah."_

_"Since when?"_

_"That's none of your concern."_

_"Our divorce isn't finalized until June. It's still my concern who you're fucking."_

_"Well you'll be happy to know that I am not fucking anyone, can you say the same thing...wife?_ " I cocked an eyebrow and she flushed.

 _"That's..."_ She began but then shook her head.

_"That's what I thought."_

* * *

I turned back to the music box and opened it up.

There right at the bottom of the box sat her engagement ring and wedding band.

 _"Sanny...I just...it's time."_ She said, sounding rehearsed. _"As you know, I've moved on and you've made it clear that you don't want to fix us so...yeah."_

 _"And yet you were just in my fucking business not even two minutes ago. You need to leave."_ I said, my eyes glued to the little tan ballerina with her arms stretched above her head.

Mami had bought this when I was into ballet hardcore and had it painted to resemble me.

So that I would feel like there was someone else like me, even if it was just a little figura.

_"We can still be friends, right?"_

I stood to my feet abruptly and she actually stumbled back which is an anomaly in her world.

She reached for the first thing she could grab to prevent her fall, which was unfortunately, me.

Her hands pulled at my top and I went down with her, falling into her lap as she fell on her ass.

My hands immediately went to my stomach as I rested against her.

Being cradled in her arms didn't feel the same way that Quinn's arms had felt the night before.

I pulled away from her but it was too late.

Her large hand rested on my little bump as she held me on her lap.

Our eyes met and for a long moment her eyes asked the question that she was too shocked to ask.

But she'd have to actually ask me for me to admit it.

Her hand came to the side of my face, she tipped up my chin and moved to kiss me.

And I let her.

I needed to know.

* * *

She's pulled me into a straddling position over her lap and is kissing me like I'm feeding her hunger.

And I go along with it even though none of this feels real.

I turn my face from her, breaking the kiss and she immediately begins sucking my neck.

And then I see it...the note on my mirror with those two perfect red lips.

Quinn.

I press my arms against Britt and slide out of her lap.

 _"That's enough."_ I say and she looks like I've just drowned her cat but I don't fucking care. _"You needz to go. Now."_

I'm on my feet again, moving, moving towards the door.

She's full of questions and I'm giving her nothing but movement.

A language she should understand.

 _"Wait."_ She keeps saying. _"Please...is it mine?"_ I pause at the front door, hand gripping the door knob and wishing that I had the nerve to call her stupid for asking that kind of question. I knew she wasn't as dumb as she liked to pretend.

 _"Of course not."_ I say as her hands come to my waist, her body pressing me against the front door. She's grinding her hips now and I'm just standing there, letting it happen.

_"You said you weren't fucking anyone else but now you're pregnant."_

_"You don't have sperm, B. It's not yours. It's not anybody's but mine. Got it."_

She whimpered but I pushed back against her as I yanked the door open.

 _"It could be."_ She said as she picked up her bag and gave me the saddest expression.

_"No."_

I had my fiercest glare aimed right at her and waited for her to be fully over the threshold, her eyes filled with yearning, before slamming the door in her face.

And then I heard her yelp and curse.

I rested back against the door and slid the deadbolt into place.

Brittany didn't belong to me anymore and nor did I belong to her, did I wish that we could go back to a simpler time?

Yes.

Did I fit in that life anymore though?

Nope.

I wasn't the woman she loved and she wasn't the woman that I wanted.

 _"Please, Santana. I can leave her, I can be everything that you need, please?"_ She begged through tears, it was a knife to the chest to hear her use my full first name but I had to stay strong.

I didn't love her anymore.

Not like I used to.

* * *

My landline rang.

Which never happened.

I usually forgot it existed until my phone died.

With one last deep breath, I pushed off the door and picked up the phone.

_"Yeah?"_

_"Hey, you answered!"_

Quinn.

_"Why didn't you just call my cell?"_

_"I did, like five times and so I called you here. I was like five seconds from calling the cops. Are you okay? Your phone is normally attached to your hand, I thought you'd passed out."_

_"Brittany is currently weeping outside the door, she thinks this is her baby somehow."_

_"I'm on my way."_

_"No, Q...you don't have to."_

_"It's fine, I was going to surprise you with lunch anyway."_

_"Aww, thanks! I haven't even eaten yet."_

_"No bueno, S. Any cravings?"_

_"Something cold and something hot."_

_"Soup and a smoothie?"_

_"Hot noodles and a smoothie?"_

_"You got it. Do you want me to come there first and maybe we can go out?"_

_"Uh..."_

_"S, you've been in that apartment for days now, you need to get some air."_

_"Fine."_

_"Good because I'm already at your building. Go get dressed, I'll take care of B."_

_"Thank God."_

_"I know, I know, you owe me."_

_"Yeah I do."_

* * *

**_A/N: Had to get the cobwebs out...is anyone out there?_ **


	6. If You Think It's Love (King Princess)

_"Do you know what I love the most about New York?"_ She asks me as she traces her fingers across my palm.

I'm skimming the menu and not even looking across the table at her but I swear to all that's holy if she stops touching me, I'll crumble.

But I just grunt in response.

_"Hmm."_

_"That you're here."_

I put the menu down and leveled my eyes at her. _"How fucking corny are you?"_

She grinned and then brought my fingers to her lips, kissing each finger individually and I was putty.

 _"Only with you."_ She whispered, pausing to wink at me and then proceeded to continue her ministrations.

Old me would have glanced around the restaurant to see who was looking but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Quinn.

When she was done with my hand she brought it down to her boob and gave herself a squeeze with my hand.

My face must have conveyed all of my embarrassment because she let out a huge laugh, assuredly drawing everyone's attention.

 _"You're in rare form."_ I said, before taking her hand and holding it still.

I still needed slow but I'm pretty sure this wasn't about sex, it was about distraction and it was working.

Somewhat.

 _"Blame it on the kitchen, we've been waiting on these noodles for days."_ She teased. _"They needs to hurry it up before I go all Lima Heights."_

And at that I joined her in laughing.

My God, it felt so good to let go just a little bit.

I laughed until I was crying.

And then the food came and my hungry belly reminded me of my lack of food.

The moment lingered and I was finally glad that I had let her drag me out of the apartment.

* * *

I let Quinn pamper me for the last few days before resuming my residency.

She took long showers with me always followed up with massages and kisses.

There was still no sex but a lot of tension and I loved every minute of it.

Papi's words were still lingering in my mind, how she could be fickle and that kept me from taking thing too far with her.

For now.

And she stuck to her word, just being my best friend and loving me.

Supporting me.

And when 5am came on Sunday morning, she was also the one that ripped the covers off of my body and pounced on me.

_"Seriously?"_

I tried staying still until she started to rub the salt from my eyes.

_"Get up."_

_"No."_ I knew I was pouting and instead of snapping at me she just kissed my poked out lip and then put a knee between my legs.

Rubbing and grinding.

_"Oh God! I'm up, I'm up!"_

I opened my eyes and she was smiling like an imbecile.

_"Shower?"_

_"Timeisit?"_

She looked above my head and then quirked an eyebrow.

_"5:05."_

_"What time Felo say he coming?"_

She was grinning now. _"6am sharp."_

_"You already have the shower running, don't you?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"_

_"Oh, sweet cheeks that's not actually something I need to try at."_

* * *

My first day back, I was relegated to follow-ups in place of Felo.

He had made sure that I wasn't overwhelmed but that I was supremely busy on my first day back and I was grateful for it.

I also noticed that by doing his follow-ups, we barely had a moment alone together.

He was giving me the space that I had asked for.

It should have made me happy but instead, I felt displaced without his little touches and winks in my direction.

Halfway through the day, I was finishing up with a patient when there was a knock at the triage door.

When I looked up there stood Felo with little specks of red on his scrub top with the most exhausted face, which usually only happened when he lost someone on the table.

Once we were alone he closed the door, pulled the curtain closed and then collapsed onto the exam table.

I rubbed his arm as he silently cried into his hands.

_"Hey, breathe...okay...you did everything you could...just breathe."_

He nodded but I could tell by the shaking of his shoulders that he hadn't calmed even a little bit.

I walked around the bed and climbed in with him, wrapping my arms around his waist burying my face against his back.

We laid there for awhile, him getting out the heaviness and me using the moment to pray.

Like always, when we lost someone, I would pray for them, their families, and for Felo.

Eventually he joined in with me when he could get out words without a whimper.

I liked this side of him.

True and honest.

If I had a son, I hoped that he inherited this trait from Felo.

And that moment solidified for me that I couldn't completely cut him out.

I would make sure he played a central role with this kid but I couldn't tell him that.

He would take it as more and that wasn't something I could stomach.

* * *

When I left the hospital, feeling hollowed out and bone tired, there she stood with a sly smile and a smoothie.

 _"Hey you."_ She said.

_"Hey."_

I took the smoothie in one hand her hand in the other.

We walked together silently, me sipping and her humming.

I had worked an overnight, so the streets were barely crowded yet.

Morning joggers, walks of shame, and rushing business people were all that we had to contend with.

 _"I missed you last night."_ Q said, as we cut through Central Park.

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yup. Do you have to work tonight?"_

_"I do."_

_"Ugh. Can we go home and cuddle then?"_

_"Yeah, that works for me."_

_"But, to my home."_

_"Uhh...isn't my sister there?"_

_She rolled her eyes._

_"Celia left, have you not talked to her since Lima?"_

_"Nope."_

_"See, I didn't want it to go down like this. She promised me that she wouldn't let this change your relationship."_

She was ranting now and I just happily sipped the last remnants of my smoothie before admitting the truth.

_"Easy, killer...she's called me...I just haven't answered."_

I nearly pitched forward when she stopped abruptly, she rounded on me and dropped my hand.

Her finger was digging between my breasts as she glared at me.

_"Promise me that you'll call her."_

_"Or what?"_

She arched her brow and I arched mine back.

 _"Don't test me."_ She growled.

_"I'll do what I want."_

She reached an arm around me and gripped my ass cheek.

_"You really doing this here, Fabray?"_

_"Maybe I'll want to go slow too..."_ She whispered.

_"So."_

_"That's what you say now, but once those hormones ramp up you'll see how bad your need to be fucked is."_

* * *

Ten days passed before my first block of days off and as if my body was raring to go, I woke up panting from a very sexy dream about the blonde that was currently giving me the cold shoulder.

I still hadn't talked to Celia.

My explanations of why were always excuses and now I woke up wanting her.

And I knew that before anything, I'd have to eat crow.

So eat crow I did.

Weekends meant that Quinn was home.

It also meant that we could fuck the day away if we so chose to.

We just hadn't yet and if I wanted that to change then it was imperative that I get over myself.

If one thing about me hadn't changed it was my love for orgasms.

Quinn was cradling a stuffed lamb that she was normally ashamed to admit that she slept with.

It was the most adorable thing and while I knew she'd murder me, I snapped a pic of her and then locked myself in the bathroom.

* * *

 _"Yo!"_ Celia said, the echo of her voice letting me know that I was on speaker.

_"Hi."_

_"About fucking time you called me back."_

_"Yeah...I can't even give you a shit excuse, I just wasn't ready."_

_"I can respect that. So what, Q made you call me or she was going to withhold?"_

_"Uh..."_

_"That's a yes."_ She cackled and then I heard the slap of her chanclas hitting hard wood.

_"Did you just dance?"_

_"Yes, because now that I'm removed from it, I can see that I was a placeholder. I wasn't getting what I needed from her. I've processed and that kind of shit is something I will NOT miss."_

_"Was it worth it?"_ I asked boldly because I was a Lopez and if she felt so free to talk shit, then so could I.

She paused and then she made a grunt.

_"Always."_

_"Got it. So why did you call me? You know I didn't listen to a single message."_

_"At first it was to yell at you but then I just got worried. Eventually though, I was just calling to call. Before this shit, we talked at least twice a week. I don't like the space."_

_"Yeah...I know."_

_"We went through something similar, if any of the girls gets this pain, it's me."_

And right then it hit me.

Papi had three baby mamas...only one lives.

Celia's mom had died giving birth to her and she was raised by the first baby mama.

_"Shit."_

_"You forgot."_

_"Well yeah, you never mention her."_

_"I don't have much to mention. I didn't get a chance to know her...like you..." She trailed off and I knew the rest._

I was privileged.

I had memories of my mother and she didn't.

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay, I didn't have much to get over because I was a baby and you have a lifetime of memories. I should have given you the space that you needed."_

_"We're both sorry shits then, aren't we?"_

_"Speak for yourself, nena. I'm fucking fantastic."_

The ice was broken.

We laughed and reminisced for an hour before she scolded me for letting her paint dry uneven.

The call ended organically, with plans to meet up for Quizzo down at her bar.

I was glad that I called.

Frankly, I don't know what I was afraid of, my sisters had always been dope.

I needed to treat them better.

* * *

When I ended the call, I turned to see a very naked Quinn watching me from my bedroom doorway.

Celia had said it was always worth it.

And I was about to find out just how much.

 _"Get in here, I'm starving."_ She growled and by God, I hustled.

And friends, it was definitely worth it.

With Quinn, it always was.

That's what happens when someone becomes your home.

Every moment, good or bad is worth getting over yourself.

* * *

_**A/N: Meta-maybe. I missed them. How are you chicas? More or nah?** _


	7. Damage (H.E.R)

**Damage (H.E.R)**

* * *

Quinn and I go at it like sex crazed fiends for two whole days, only leaving bed for showering and food.

I'm pretty sure that my neighbors have been getting off when I do because I cannot stop moaning every time her eyes catch mine as she spends hours between my knees.

In all of this time of suffering, she's been by my side. Checking for me and holding me in those moments when my emotions became so overwhelming that I was ready to take myself out.

At some point, the tears began and she had to pull away from me so that I could gather myself.

When you've been friends for over a decade, you learn that there are simply moments that a person has to be alone and Quinn knew that this was one of them.

_"I'll leave you for a bit, we are running low on food. Any requests?"_

I nodded and then tried to get the words out but I could barely breathe.

So, being the resourceful bitch she always has been, Q grabbed a notepad...my favorite one and shoved it at me with a pen.

Then she began to change the sheets.

Which seemed random as all hell until she was out the door and I was ready to collapse in bed but it looked so neat.

Her plan was clear.

Make a list before you climb in.

So I did.

**SHOWER**

**BRUSH HAIR**

**BRUSH TEETH**

**AIR OUT ROOM**

**CHARGE PHONE**

**BED**

* * *

A doctor has to multi-task and I was a doctor...the best in my year and I knew that being able to do multiple things successfully was a useful skill.

Crossing off the first three things at once ensured that I was much closer to my bed.

One hand yanked through my tangles in the shower while the other brushed vigorously at my teeth but then there was metallic taste in my mouth.

Bleeding gums was common in pregnancy and I had been expecting weird shit to start happening at some point.

This was that point apparently.

After rinsing my mouth a few times, I moved through the rest of the list and I was just one item away from laying down when my phone buzzed.

Felo.

 _"Yeah?"_ I barked into the phone.

_"You're on for a 24 tomorrow, right?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Would you be opposed to making it a 48?"_

I hadn't done a 48 since my first year of residency and it felt like he was trying to milk me dry.

_"Absolutely. I'm pregnant and tired."_

_"From all the sex?"_ He chuckled.

_"What?"_

_"I stopped by and talked to your neighbor, she thought it was me and winked at me. Said I was really giving it to you good in there, that it was good I was taking a break."_

The belly laugh that I let out was probably the first that I had in over a year, it felt so good and then guilt plagued me.

Mami wouldn't be able to ever laugh like this and Papi always said I laughed like her.

 _"It's great to hear you laugh."_ He said.

 _"Is that all you needed?"_ I snapped.

_"Yes, I have a surgery that I'd like an assist on. Your sutures are always next level. Patient is a model and asked for us to be minimally invasive."_

_"Open or closed?"_

_"Trying for closed but you know how the heart can be unpredictable."_

_"Tell me about it. I'll see you tomorrow, Doc."_

_"Get some actual rest, tell Quinn to give you a breather."_

_"Bye Felo."_

He was cackling as I hung up on him.

Jerk.

* * *

The cramping comes on suddenly and shocks me out of my sleep.

When I feel it, I immediately assume that the baby is in trouble and feel my underwear and the sheets, but they are as dry as a bone.

But when I move, the ache grows deeper and I can't help but cry.

I press my hands to my stomach and close my eyes.

 _"Mami...please...Mami...please."_ I groan for my mother, hoping she can put a word in with the big guy.

The door creaks and I remember that I'm not in the apartment alone.

 _"Hey lady, you okay?"_ Q asks as she comes in with a steaming mug.

 _"Hurts."_ I gasp out.

Where I'm panicking, Quinn is calm.

She put down the mug, pulled back the covers and then pressed her hands to my stomach on top of mine. Her eyes met mine.

_"You need to breathe, okay. When I was pregnant, I had countless pains. Mrs. Jones explained that the baby just needs more room, especially in a small womb. So there are pains. Either way, we should probably go see a doctor."_

_"Okay."_

_"Do you have a number? I'll call them and then grab us a cab."_

_"Dr. Sheedy. In my phone as Sheedz with a Z."_

_"Of course it is."_ She scrolled through my phone and found the number.

I don't think she was expecting it to be a personal cell number because when Sheedz answered, Quinn looked surprised.

_"Lezpez. What's up, Mama?"_

I smiled at her voice. Quinn raised an eyebrow.

_"Cramping."_

_"Any fluids?"_

_"No."_

_"Looking at my schedule. Can you make it in now by any chance?"_

_"Okay."_

_"Great, get here and bring Quinn along, it's about time I met my competition face to face."_

She ended the call and left me with a way too inquisitive Quinn Fabray but she was a good WASP, who knew exactly when to bring up issues.

Now was not the time.

* * *

Quinn had been right, the baby was just making space but it was good that I was paying attention.

Sheedz took one look at me and told me I looked like a malnourished poor kid.

Apparently, I wasn't eating enough. I was too light.

Felo had been alluding to this issue when he showed up in Lima and shoved food in my face.

I needed to get fat and right about now, I didn't even care.

Life was short and even if I'm a bodybuilder, I could still die crossing the street.

So it was finally time to bulk up and leave the Sue Sylvester created Cheerio body behind.

Sheedz pinched my inner thigh when she was checking me out and told me that I also needed a shave.

Right in front of Quinn.

If anyone channeled high school Santana, it was definitely, Fabiana Sheedy.

That's why we hit it off.

And hooked up.

I had been trying to deal with Mami's diagnosis and the fact that my wife had been looking a little too long at other women.

When I got assigned as Sheedz intern, we ended up fucking in the break room like we were on an episode of Grey's.

And I got love sick until Felo scooped me up and told me that I was just a notch in Sheedz bedpost.

Never again did I let her get to me or at me.

We became friends after that, with way too much flirting but when I was at my lowest, it made me feel desirable.

I never stopped her or corrected her, which leads me to my current problem.

 _"There is no way you can keep her as your OB, Santana. You've blurred the lines way too much. Her job is literally to be all up in your snatch and you just don't even care? You fucked her when you were still with Britt, who's to say you won't do the same to me? Furthermore, I don't want her all up in our business. How dare she tell me that I was fucking you way too rough?! Sure, my nails are a bit long but I was very careful!"_ I sat on the couch, eating a Happy Meal, smirking at her ongoing rant and did not interrupt even once. _"Say something, damnit!"_

I finished the last of my burger and began swirling my fries in ketchup until they were properly coated, before popping them in my mouth.

Normally I was repulsed by fast food but this baby was apparently the embodiment of my inner fat kid.

Or Felo's.

Either way, I, a person who has struggled with food my whole life was enjoying my food and she was just going to have to wait.

 _"I need a milkshake."_ I said to her. _"I forgot to get one."_

_"You can't be serious! That's all you have to say to me right now?"_

And thank God for the hormones because those words had me crying like I had been drinking all day. I began to sob out loud and watched through watery eyes as Quinn's jaw dropped.

She huffed and grabbed her purse.

 _"A black and white...wait no a strawberry and chocolate...wait...malted!"_ I called after her as she yanked the door open. Her jaw dropped when she saw the person that poised to knock.

 _"No way. I can't leave her here with you."_ She said without taking her eyes off of Brittany.

I ignored that comment as my stomach rumbled. _"And an apple pie? Oh and maybe another Happy Meal."_

 _"Actually...I um...I'm here to see you, Quinnie."_ Britt mumbled.

 _"See, Q...you have company."_ I said to her as her jaw remained unhinged. _"I should probably eat something green. Can you get me a salad too?"_

By the time that Quinn had plugged my entire compra into her phone and yanked Britt away from the door, I was cackling.

This pregnancy was going to be fun.

* * *

By the time that Quinn got back, I had taken out the trash, cleaned up a bit and was waiting for her butt naked in the bedroom.

She came back alone, thankfully...not that I would have minded a threesome at this point.

I was feeling extra horny after my Happy Meal...which I was trying to turn into a Happy Ending.

When she saw me, she wrapped her arms around me and lifted me in her arms as she kissed me.

 _"Are you still cramping?"_ She asked between kisses.

_"No."_

_"How about your mouth...does it hurt at all?"_

_"Uh, no, why?"_

_"Good."_ She put me down on my feet and then pointed to the floor. _"Knees, I need-"_ She began but I buried my face under her dress without any more direction. _"Oh God!"_

 _"Mmm."_ I said before shoving my fingers inside of her.

I gripped her ass as I worked her up.

She put up with a lot today and I was going to make her remember who I was at home waiting for.

By the time I was done, there was no room for questions.

I was hers because I allowed it to be.

So what if I'd been around.

I'm hot, that's bound to happen but I wanted her.

And maybe that Happy Meal.

Yeah, I still wanted that too.


	8. BICHOTA (KAROL G)

The soap opera awards are in LA and I have a week of shifts that I can't miss, so Quinn leaves me reluctantly the second day of my 48 hour shift.

She stops by the hospital when I'm on my way back from a really long surgery. My back is aching and my head is hurting like a motherfucker.

Felo kicked me out once I was done suturing an artery, insisting he'd close.

Quinn found me, asleep in the staff lounge, my head pressed to a table with an apple still in my hand.

She nudged me and I woke up with my head feeling worse.

But then I saw her and all of that felt distant.

 _"Hey."_ I said, feeling my lips turn into a smile without my prodding.

She shook a bag in my face and my smile turned to a grin.

_"I really want you to eat better, especially as a heart surgeon but I figured you'd need some comfort food. Malted black and pink milkshake for you too, princess."_

_"Thank you, Q ball."_

She scowled at the name but still kissed me.

When she actually sat down with me and pulled her chair closer, I felt like my security blanket had arrived.

 _"I love you."_ She said, then kissed my shoulder before taking a sip of my milkshake.

 _"I love you too."_ I said back and then tore into my food.

* * *

After I finished my food, feeling way too exhausted for anything else, I yanked Q into the rest lounge and pressed my body against hers.

She gripped my ass.

 _"Me gusta."_ She muttered in the whitest voice I had ever heard.

_"I just know you do but you still can't have my ass, Q. I don't know what freaky shit you did with my sister but I'm not into it."_

_"That's not what B said."_ She muttered and then attempted to kiss my lips but I pulled back.

_"Say what?"_

_"Our talk the other day, she told me that you liked to take it up the ass...all the time."_

_"She didn't say that."_ I insisted.

_"She did among other things. Apparently it is very important to her that you are getting fucked correctly and she says she's the foremost authority on all things Santana Lopez and that you very much like it up the ass."_

I could feel the heat in my cheeks and buried my face against her shoulder.

 _"That's so fucked."_ I muttered.

_"What's fucked is that you won't let me go there."_

_"Aren't you the celibacy club president?"_ I said.

_"Doesn't mean that I wasn't also rubbing it out in my bedroom while looking up all the positions."_

I yawned and curled against her, knowing I still had 24 hours here and probably should be sleeping, not talking about raunchy sex.

_"I have no words."_

_"That's okay, baby, you will when I'm finally back."_

_"Back?"_ I asked, forgetting about her trip.

_"Remember I'm leaving for L.A. today, I won't be back for a week. There's a lot of press to do before the awards."_

_"Oh."_

_"Your sister is in town if you get lonely."_

_"So is B."_ I mumbled.

 _"Are you saying that so I won't leave?"_ She growled.

_"Maybe."_

Why lie?

I was needy and had separation anxiety like crazy, she should be used to it by now.

* * *

After shutting out the world, including Britt for so long, I'd learned to be alone.

I had gotten used to it up until the last month with Quinn.

Everyday when I wasn't at work, I was coming home to her warm body in my bed loving up on me.

Now though, after two days in a hospital, my body feeling hollowed out...my empty apartment felt like a time out.

I still had six days to myself and that exact amount of days off.

There was only so much studying I could do.

So on the third day, after doing all scraps of laundry and scrubbing the apartment down, I was beyond lonely and exhausted of using a vibrator to get off.

I got desperate for any kind of release or at the very least attention.

That's how I got stuck in an inevitable situation.

I raised my arm as I grinded back against the body circling my waist.

The music was louder than my thoughts as I sweated out all my stress.

 _"I need a drink."_ I muttered back.

_"Okay, I'll grab you one. Lots of ice, right?"_

_"Mmmhmm."_

_"Are you going to stay on the dance floor?"_

_"Yes!"_

She left me there and I just melted into the next body, bouncing to the beat.

When I felt a poke coming through against my ass, I pulled away.

 _"Watch it!"_ I growled at the guy and he threw up his hands.

_"You just have a great ass."_

_"So I've heard."_ I grumbled and then moved over to a pack of girls who were way less likely to be poking me with their dick.

By the time that Britt caught back up with me, I had a girl grinding against my ass and another pressing her breasts against mine.

Talk about a release.

But of course, my ex-wife was a cockblock.

She danced her way in between me and the girl's breasts.

 _"Hater."_ I grumbled, reaching for the glass in her hand.

She sipped it first and then shook her head before handing me the other glass.

I drank the ginger ale down in one long gulp before shoving the glass back at her.

 _"More."_ I said and she glared.

_"You just want to go back to grinding."_

_"I do...so leave me to it."_ I waved her away and hated the way her face dropped.

I had invited her dancing and now I was brushing her off.

Blame it on the hormones.

* * *

I went on like that for three more nights, dragging Britt out with me until the last night when she blew me off.

_"You won't dance with me, so no. I'm not going."_

_"Fine. I'll go by myself."_

_"In your condition?"_

_"Yes. I'll be fine."_

_"Promise you'll call me after?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"Santana, please?"_

_"Fine."_

But I didn't call.

I just danced until last call, until my mind was empty and those dreams walking by the lake with Mami were now a thing of the past.

When I got home, the sun was rising and I stank to the high heavens.

I felt lethargic as I tried and failed to get my keys in the door several times.

But then it swung open and I jumped back.

 _"Q?"_ I said, my throat raw from all the whooping I'd been doing for five hours straight.

_"Where were you?"_

_"Out."_ I said and then pushed past her into the apartment.

 _"You look like a prostitute."_ She said, her voice deadpan and devoid of any emotion.

 _"Thanks, baby, it's good to see you too."_ I stripped off my clothes as I made my way to the bathroom without looking back.

Britt would have chased after me and bogarted my shower but Quinn wasn't Brittany.

Instead, she picked up my clothes and let me have time to myself.

Which wasn't exactly what I needed after having it for a week.

I was in my feelings majorly.

And I wasn't sure how to get over myself.

* * *

I bit into my lip as I second guessed myself...would she want to?

Was she mad at me?

But I couldn't chicken out...not now.

I grabbed what I needed and walked into the bedroom.

Quinn sat in the bed, a book in her hand and her glasses on.

 _"Hey."_ I said and she looked up at me...then down at my hands.

_"What's all that?"_

I dropped the stuff in her lap and then twisted my hands in front of me.

_"Truth is, Britt's the only person to ever do that to me. It's super intimate and is only something I need when I'm feeling super lonely and stuck in my head."_

_"Like now?"_ She asked as she fingered the strap on.

_"Yes...would you...please? Just be...gentle, you know?"_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Please?"_

Giving over this bit of myself to Q was kind of a big deal.

Or at least, I had worked myself up to believe that until she was holding me in her arms and pushing into me.

Her kisses were soft and she kept saying sweet things in my ear.

It was way different than Britt just going ham on my ass.

 _"Are you okay?"_ She asked me when I shook in her arms.

_"Yessss."_

_"Do you need me to go harder?"_

_"No...this...fuck...is perfect. Hold me tighter."_ I whimpered and she shifted so I was basically just sitting in her lap, my legs dangling off the side of the bed with hers. If we weren't us, ex-cheerleaders who were forced to our physical limits for years on end, the position would have been uncomfortable.

But we were Quinntana.

One of her arms loosened and her fingers sunk into me and I threw my head back on her shoulder. She sucked on my neck and I swear I could feel her everywhere.

_"I dreamt of having you at my mercy like this for years...every time you got smart with me...or tried to dominate me...this was all...I...wanted...you okay, S?"_

Her fingers thrusted into me as she spoke and I was just a mess of moans and swears.

_"Fuck...yes...yes...yes...yes...Q...yes!"_

I came so hard and when I did, she flipped me over so I was on my elbows over the edge of the bed.

And then she went harder...still slow just harder thrust and I was gripping the sheets.

_"B told me...you were grinding on other girls...show me."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Dance, S...show me how you dance."_

I groaned as I began to move back against her, controlling the angle and hardness that she was going at me with.

 _"Oh God!"_ I screamed as I came again.

This time though, she pulled out of me and kissed my shoulder before leaving me laying there, used up like the prostitute she had called me earlier.

And now I felt like one.

I began to cry again and felt pathetic until she was wiping me down with a warm cloth.

Humming to me as I kept sniffling.

Whatever hormonal, grieving clusterfuck I was going through, Q seemed to be able to handle with ease.

How had I not ended up with her from the beginning?


	9. Love So Soft (Kelly Clarkson)

_"So Dr. Lopez, what do you want to do now that you are officially done residency?"_ Quinn asked as she tossed my grad cap behind me.

We had done the whole celebration of my surgeon status with Papi over video chat, I had allowed Felo to stalk me around the hospital telling them that I was going to be his fellow in a few months.

Now though, it was just me and Q in a hotel room overlooking New York City, since my building was being fumigated.

Again.

 _"Get a better place...with you."_ I said. It had been two months of us fucking, cohabitating at mostly at my place but a few times at hers.

She hesitated as she looked in my eyes, her fingers frozen on the zipper to my gown.

_"You want to live with me?"_

_"Well, yeah, officially...like your shit and my shit...together in one place."_ I shrugged. _"Besides, I gotta get ready for this spawn of mine."_ I said rubbing my growing bump.

_"Got a place in mind?"_

_"Depends...are you saying yes?"_

She leaned in and kissed my lips.

_"Fuck, yes."_

_"Great!"_

* * *

I want to say that we had amazing sex and Q rocked my world but the truth was that, my pregnant ass was tired and I wanted nothing more than a hot fudge sundae, reality tv, and cuddles.

So that's exactly what I got.

 _"Are you sure?"_ I asked when Q handed me the room service menu and told me to go nuts.

_"Yes, I do have a career and practically spend zero money, I can swing room service for the night."_

_"Dope, say less."_ I said picking up the phone and immediately launching into my order. Quinn just stared at me with wide eyes as I rattled off half the menu before I glanced at her. _"Want anything, babe?"_

 _"That wasn't for both of us?"_ I pouted, feeling fat. _"Right, baby on board...can you just get me a BLT and a diet coke?"_

While we waited for our food, we took a shower where we did in fact fuck around.

Quinn was at my mercy as I sucked her clit between my lips. She was grinding on my face, giving me the best of her and I was just luxuriating all up in her.

It was the best.

And I didn't want anything else but her.

When she came down for the fantastic orgasm that I gave her, she held her hands out to me so that I could stop kneeling on the gross shower floor.

She licked her wetness from my face and then left a trail of kisses to my lips.

 _"You love the way you taste...don't you?"_ I asked.

 _"On your skin...I love the way that I taste on your skin."_ She said all sweetly.

 _"Marry me."_ I said to her and she went stiff and pulled back.

_"What?"_

_"Is it nuts? I mean we have known each other since we were six. You were my first everything. I mean...look how good we are together. Sure my divorce isn't final for another month but that doesn't mean we can't start planning our lives together, right? I love you and you love me and you make me feel all soft and gooey, and shit. I need to make sure this kid has the best life and you are the only person that I could see raising a family with...like for realz. Britt was all sweet and good but I would have worried that she'd forget the kid on the changing table or something. With you it's like adult and real, and like forever. Which none of us really have, as evidenced by-"_

She cut off my rant with her lips pressing into mine.

And when she pulled away, I went to talk again but she kissed me again until I was breathless and room service was at the door.

I stood there in the shower waiting for an answer and she just smirked.

_"Grab a robe, let's get our grub on."_

_"Is that a no?"_ I asked as I followed her out of the shower and into white fluffy robes.

She grinned at me and then swung the door open.

In came two guys with rolling carts.

Quinn tipped them and then shut the door behind them, a smile still on her face.

I watched as she lifted a small dessert cover and there on a plate in the middle of the table was a ring box.

 _"No fucking way."_ I said to her as I looked at the box that was opened to a gorgeous diamond ring that was eerily familiar. My hands trembled as I picked up the box and looked at my mother's engagement ring that I used to try on when I was a little girl. _"No way...Q...no way?!"_ I squeaked as the tears came. _"And here I thought...I was rushing this...us. Papi...he gave...no way! Is this like real life?"_

There was a slip of paper in the box and I read it, smirking because of course. I smiled at her as she explained herself.

_"I asked him a while ago and he brought the ring today, resized to fit your finger. He even offered to pay for the wedding, as long as I promised him that I'd become a Lopez."_

_"Will you?"_ I asked.

_"What?"_

_"Become a Lopez."_ I said and then moved over to her, dropped on one knee and presented her the box.

"What?"

I handed her the slip of paper.

That could only mean her since I was born a Lopez.

**_For the woman that is brave enough to become a Lopez.-The O.G. Dr. Lopez_ **

_"That sly devil."_ She said and then held out her left hand.

I slipped the ring onto her finger and it was a perfect fucking fix. I kissed her hand and then looked up at her proudly.

* * *

So maybe technically I was now married to one woman and engaged to another, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Quinn was my family.

My home and I wouldn't trade her for a million other blondes.

We called Papi and he clapped his hands, did a dance in his scrubs, and then told us to break the news to Britt and Celia before telling another soul.

And they were wise words.

Maybe we should have done that right away but then I was ending the call and crawling down the bedspread, planting myself between my fiance's thighs.

Then maybe she was gripping my hair and moaning my name.

And we might have possibly gone into a food coma after that, gorging ourselves on enough food to feed a family.

But I was a full fledged doctor now and it was just what I ordered.

As we drifted off to sleep though, I got a message from my sister.

_"Chicken shit...I have been waiting to act offended that you are marrying my ex but you never called. Call me in the morning so I can at least pretend to cry. I love you both and humbly offer my services as your flower girl. Call me back pendejas."_

I played the message for Q and she grinned.

_"Well...that just leaves Britt, I guess...either she is going to weep or offer me more sex advice."_

_"Which one is worse?_ " I asked her and she rolled her eyes.

_"The sex advice obviously...because then I'm going to have to tell her that I just gave you seven orgasms...then she'll weep anyway. It will be a whole entire mess and who wants that."_

_"Are you saying that I should tell her?"_

_"Oh, baby, yes. You are her soon to be ex wife after all."_

_"Fine, chicken shit."_ I said and she cackled.

* * *

The call with Britt went in neither direction, she just reciprocated with news of her own.

_"Oh great, maybe we can have a double wedding."_

_"Uh, those are lame."_ I said. _"Besides, who are you marrying."_

_"KitKat...did I not tell you?"_

_"Oh you have a nickname now for her...sweet."_

_"You never did sound good when you're jealous."_

_"I am NOT jealous."_ I argued.

_"Okay, sweet cheeks, whatever you say."_

_"I gotta go, B. I just wanted you to know."_

_"Cool. Thanks."_

I'm not sure if I hung up on her or she hung up on me but the call was over in seconds.

 _"Did you hear her?"_ I said to Q and saw that she was eating the remnants of my sundae.

_"Yup, I bet if you called her back right now, you'd hear her crying."_

_"No way."_

_"As a person that has always been skilled in causing others to cry, I know deflection before a sob session. She is lying about her own engagement and is upset about ours."_

_"No way."_

_"I dare you to video chat her."_

_"What? Why would I do that?"_

_"Because you have a soft spot for her and if you don't check in on her, you won't sleep, which means I won't sleep and I would really hate that."_

_"Fine."_

* * *

Quinn, of course, was right.

A quick callback, rendered a red faced Britt trying her best to smile for me.

 _"Are you really engaged?"_ I asked her and she shook her head.

_"No."_

_"You said I should move on."_ I said.

_"And I meant it...I guess, this just...it shuts the door. I told you, once you started dating, I'd know we were done but now you're like getting married and if it's not me...well Quinn is perfect. She gets you. I totally approve, it's just high school Brittany's dream is kinda going to shit."_

Q paused in her inspection of the leftovers, _"Did she just curse?"_ She mouthed to me and I nodded. _"Wow."_ She muttered and went back to picking fruit off a plate.

_"I'm sorry, B."_

_"No, I moved on first...like three times...I get that we are finished. I just...it hit me hard. I will be okay."_

_"Promise me."_

She held up her pinky and I held up mine, we bent them like we were swearing to each other. Then she wiped her face and blew me a kiss. _"I gotta go. Make sure you send me an invite...okay?"_

 _"You got it, B!"_ I said and she grinned.

_"Good. Now go have amazing sex. I taught Q everything I know."_

Q understandably was rolling her eyes and huffing as I ended the call.

_"Well you heard her, Q...come give me great orgasms."_

_"Was seven not enough?"_

_"Do you not know me at all, Q ball? I'm crazy greedy and competitive...I believe I've only given you four. So I will catch up and then you can try to top me."_

_"Sounds like a plan."_


	10. I.F.L.Y (Bazzi)

_"How do you look so damn good consistently Lezpez?"_ Sheedz asked as I walked into the exam room with Quinn's fingers entwined with my own.

We had Felo trailing us looking militant.

So maybe I was pulling up on six months even though apparently I only looked like I was three months pregnant. Is it my fault I'm carrying this kid really well?

Anyway, he's pissed because I have only had that one appointment to check on the kid.

I felt fine, just hungry...and Sheedz hadn't told me I needed to see her more than I had but he was insistent that it was time to go in an make sure the kid was okay.

Unfortunately, he wouldn't just take my word for it either.

Which was lame.

_"It's my job to be hot, Sheedz, we know this."_

_"Damn right it is, I should not have fucked around on you...who knew you'd stay hot?!"_

_"I did."_ Q said.

Felo sat there glaring at Sheedz right along with Q.

They were bonding over their mutual hatred for my OB and I just ignored them as I changed into the paper gown.

 _"Shouldn't she be bigger at six months, Dr. Sheedy?"_ Felo asked.

_"All women carry differently. Santana is small already, so it's not really surprising."_

Quinn huffed and so did Felo.

_"Would you two chill out or leave? You're stressing me out."_

_"Oh, yeah, if you two make her uncomfortable, I will have to ask you to leave."_

_"Like hell, I'm leaving you with her on your own."_ Q said, her jealously was hot unlike Felo's which just made me want to punch him in the face.

* * *

_"Okay, they look good, heartbeats are on track and they're measuring at normal lengths."_

_"Come again?"_ I asked squinting at the grey image on the screen.

 _"That's what she said."_ Sheedz said.

Quinn was staring with wide eyes and not saying a fucking word while Felo looked smug.

 _"Honey...there are two."_ Q finally said.

 _"Whoa...uh...I didn't order two. How am I just finding out about this?!"_ I snapped at Sheedz, who looked pale.

_"Did you not know? Who did your first ultrasound, a blind man?"_

_"YOU DID!"_ I yelled and she rolled her eyes.

_"Right. Look I get distracted by you...sorry about that. Yes, you are carrying twins and with that fact in mind, we are going to need to change your diet around a bit."_

I was near tears as I squeezed, Q's hand and looked at her desperately.

 _"Promise me you'll still want me when these fuckers stretch my snatch out of shape?"_ I begged and she rolled her eyes.

_"Of course, baby. I fucking love you. Besides, you do remember that I pushed out a kid too, right? Isn't mine great?"_

_"Well yeah, it's fantastic but that was like six years ago...this is going to be two of them and like...in three months!"_

_"Two months."_ Sheedz said.

 _"What?!"_ I said.

_"Twin pregnancies are notoriously early."_

_"Are you fucking kidding me, Sheedy? I am not ready for two children!"_

_"Well you're having them...so...get ready?"_

_"Okay, that's enough, you're fired."_ Q said and Felo who had been silent chimed in.

_"Agreed."_

_"Look, I apologize for my lack of professionalism, if you'd like to see my colleague instead, I can arrange that."_

_"No."_ I said, pulling myself up so I was sitting staring down my doctor. _"You want to prove you're a fucking rock star, then you will do everything you can to make sure these little fuckers are here healthy, perfect, and you won't charge me a fucking penny for it."_

 _"Santana...come on!"_ She said, looking at me with softball sized eyeballs.

_"This can be classified as malpractice, you know that and I know that...don't fuck around with me."_

_"Okay...fine...shit. You don't have to drop the M word. I will be above board from here on out. Cross my heart and my wallet."_ She said looking around the room and then back at the screen. _"I will make sure your babies are in the best care."_

_"Thank you."_

* * *

_"Well this explains your appetite."_ Q said to me as I scarfed down my second Happy Meal _. "You could eat the adult sized one, you know that right?"_

 _"I'm collecting the toys."_ I said.

_"We can afford big kid toys, Santana."_

_"I know that. I just...like them."_ I sniffled and she smiled sweetly at me.

_"You okay, baby?"_

_"No. There's two parasites in my womb. Wait until I tell Papi, he's going to flip...he'll probably try to get me to come do a fellowship back home so he can be closer...or offer to come live here."_

_"Uh...you don't want that, do you?"_

_"To move to Lima? Fuck no but I also don't want to raise my kids in this grimy city."_

_"So what, then?"_

_"I am just trying to get my head around the two kids thing, Q...it's all just...I have so little time to be just...me and you. Like...they are going to take over my whole life. One was doable, I could just throw it in my backpack and keep rolling but two?"_

_"Your backpack? Do you know anything about babies?"_

I shrugged.

_"Not really...my nephews were easy, I'd play with them and give them back...but my own...I just was gonna wing it."_

_"Okay, we are SO not doing that, we can do parenting classes and now we really need to take finding a place seriously, so I need you to figure out if New York is it for us for a while."_

_"Well your job is here, Q. I can't ask you to move away."_

_"Actually...I got my script last week...I think they are killing me off."_

_"What?! No spoilers, Q?"_ I covered my ears and she rolled her eyes and yanked my hands away from my ears.

_"I won't tell you how it happens, how did I not know you were a fan?"_

_"Baby, I am your biggest fan. I write fanfic and everything."_

_"You do?"_

_"Oh yeah, erotic, smutty fanfic."_

_"You're shitting me?"_

I raised a hand. _"Hand to God."_

_"Can I...read it?"_

_"Only if you promise to NOT spoil the show for me."_ I glared.

_"Deal."_

* * *

I anxiously paced the kitchen while she read the story I had posted a week ago. Her eyes were huge and she was blushing heavy as she read over the smutty story where she actually had a penis and was dicking down some chick.

My stomach grumbled and I pulled out a tub of ice cream from the freezer and grabbed a spoon.

She was glaring at me as I ate straight from the container like a barbarian but then she was looking at her phone screen again.

 _"Wow."_ She finally said as she put the phone down.

_"So...what did you think?"_

_"That you have a very dirty mind...one that I would like to take to the bedroom right now."_

_"Yeah?"_ I cackled. _"That's my goal, to get people wanking it up when they read my words."_

_"You write good porn...especially that thing in chapter 3...do you think we could...uh...do that while you still can?"_

_"Uh, yeah!"_

_"Great. Put that ice cream back and rinse your spoon, I'll meet you in there."_

She swayed her hips and my hormones were on 10 million...shit.

* * *

I pulled at the handcuffs that were attached to the headboard, not even knowing she had them and wondering why they were JUST making an appearance.

She was hovering behind me, fucking me slowly and waiting for me to speak.

 _"I love you...fuck...because you have a nice ass."_ I groaned.

_"And?"_

_"Because you are willing to run away with me."_

_"And?"_

_"Because you're you...fuck!"_

_"You have such a nice ass, baby."_

_"Is that what you want?"_ I asked.

_"Yes."_

_"Take me, Q...have all of me while you still can...enjoy me before they destroy my hotness."_

She smacked my ass and I wiggled it instead of yelping.

Ass slapping only turned me on more as I pushed back against her hips.

We hit a rhythm and the bed was groaning beneath us.

And I swear I knew it was coming before it did because I'm cheap...and we had been fucking extra hard.

The bed gave a groan and then it began to go down. Quinn grabbed me tight, so that my wrists didn't break and my stomach didn't bang against anything.

 _"Oh God...you're still...fuck...inside."_ I reminded her.

We ended up on the floor cackling like lunatics once I was uncuffed and she was out of my body.

 _"I love you. Everything about you...and us...I love how easy it is to just be with you."_ She said to me and then kissed my face, then her hand touched my stomach. _"And I love you two little beans more than your Mami does..."_

 _"Not possible."_ I grumbled as I watched her talking to my stomach.

_"Absolutely possible. I'd do anything for them."_

_"Then you're going to love what I've decided."_

_"Decided?"_

_"I think...Lima is the best option for now...if you can hack it."_

She looked pale but then fixed her face into her old HBIC stare.

_"For them, I can move back but on one condition."_

_"Name it."_

_"We go back there married. It's the only way that I can face my parents."_

_"By dropping the bomb on them?"_

_"Exactly."_

_"Say less, Q ball. I'd marry you today if you were game."_

_"I'm so game."_

* * *

Papi put his foot down when I called to tell him that we were going to elope.

_"No. You will wait for me to get there...and your sisters too. I have supported this relationship but you just will not get married without your family there, Santana."_

_"Fine."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Are you mad at me?"_

_"A little."_

_"Can I try cheering you up?"_

_"You can try."_

_"I'm having twins and I've decided to come home and do a fellowship there so I can be close to you."_

He gasped and then I heard his sniffle.

 _"En serio?"_ He whispered like if he talked too loud, it would all change.

_"I'm serious."_

_"Oh Santana, I...I'm so honored."_

_"I thought you might be."_

_"What about your dreams of running away?"_

_"Maybe when they're a bit older, before they go to school...for now...I need them to know their Abuelo."_

_"Oh God, I'm going to be an Abuelo...again!"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Okay, I'm booking my flight. The sooner we get you two hitched, we can start finding a place for you here and a doctor...and a fellowship. There's so much to do!"_

_"Papi?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too...and Quinn...she didn't flake!"_

_"No...she didn't."_

_"She's still in this?"_

_"Totally."_ Q said from next to me where she was reading another one of my stories with red cheeks.

_"Okay, just booked our flights. We will be there in two days...can you two wait that long?"_

Quinn looked at me and grinned... _"Absolutely, Mr. L."_

_"Dad...screw Russell...you call me Dad."_

_"Thanks, D-Dad."_

_"You'll get used to it!"_ He said excitedly. _"Okay, you two go back to planning your mini wedding, book a nice restaurant, my treat."_

_"Sweet. TTFN, Papi."_

_"TTFN."_

* * *

Quinn and I made the mattress on the floor look like a design decision as we settled in for the night with Netflix and our own personal tubs of ice cream because she can eat me out and tongue me down but refuses to eat out of my ice cream carton.

Weirdo.

All through our marathon, I kept staring at her, excited that in just a few days, she'd be my wife.

I don't think I've ever felt so excited about anything.

Mami would totally approve.

Truth was...this was what she had always wanted.

Never had she seen me and Britt lasting.

She'd always ask me why I never made an honest woman out of Quinn.

And now, I would.

Forever more.


	11. Take You Dancing (Jason Derulo)

Quinn was late coming home.

I'd been texting her for an hour and she didn't respond.

She'd left me on read.

I was in a mood as I tried to shimmy into my jeans but they wouldn't fit over my hips like they used to.

My tears kept coming and then there was knocking at the door.

 _"Come in!"_ I yelled. _"It's open!"_

The door opened as I hopped out into the living room in my bra.

Britt looked at me with wide eyes and then kicked the door closed behind her.

_"I came as soon as I saw your text. What are you doing?"_

_"Attempting...to get...dressed! Fuck!"_ I groaned as I finally, FINALLY got my jeans to button.

_"But why, it's like dark out and dinner time."_

_"Why else? I want to go dancing!"_

Britt laughed in my fucking face.

 _"You're kidding?"_ She asked as she stripped off her sweaty t shirt and began rooting around her bag for clean clothes.

_"Uh...aren't you gonna shower first?"_

_"Am I allowed?"_

I nodded, it's not like I was married.

Quinn and I had been ambitious a week ago when we were going to get married. My pregnancy brain had thought it was a swell idea until I realized it was still mid-May and I wouldn't be officially divorced from B for another four weeks.

I was a mess and left Quinn to call Papi and have him cancel his flights.

And I had shut down.

Which is why she wasn't answering her calls.

Each day I'd been clogging her voicemail up with apologies and sweet words but was an uber bitch in person.

And I guess she had enough.

* * *

Britt came out of the shower, dripping and smelling like Quinn's body wash while I slipped out of my sexy jeans and pulled on one of Q's sundresses.

It hid my belly better and was way more comfortable.

 _"Ready?"_ I asked B and she chuckled, shrugged her shoulders and followed behind me.

And I left a note, stuck to the door.

**_Shaking it out with B, while I still can.-S_ **

I was giddy as we got to the front of the line at my favorite spot, the bouncer took one look at me and pulled out a sheet of paper and thrust it at me.

When I looked at the long legal form, I tilted my head.

_"What is this bullshit?"_

_"Ma'am, if you want to come in you'll need to sign a waver. Loud music, dancing, drinking...we don't want to be liable if your baby is injured."_

_"Did he just call me ma'am?"_ I said to B who was about to go in without me. _"Brittany!"_

She turned and looked at me with flushed cheeks.

_"Just sign the paper, baby."_

_"One, don't call me that. Two, I'm not signing this."_ I waved the paper around in a rage.

_"Then I'm going to ask you to move to the side, you're blocking the line, ma'am."_

_"Again with the ma'am?"_

He glared at me, which was a first.

Britt saw me lunging and was kind enough to grip me by the wrist and yank me the hell away before I got arrested for assaulting this bobo.

_"Let me take you home, we can pig out in front of the tv, instead."_

_"Can we grab happy meals first? My set is almost complete."_

Britt was being extra sweet as she put her arms around me and let me cry against her chest.

_"Of course."_

* * *

By the time that Britt and I stumbled through the door of my apartment, I was feeling marginally better but still offended that I, once a hot piece of ass was now just relegated to a ma'am, being asked to step to the side so more eligible and hot people could go inside.

But then I heard the bass and the lights were flickering.

 _"Cool, you didn't tell me your place doubles as a club! We didn't even need to go half across town!"_ Britt squealed but I had a feeling this party was only for me.

Quinn was dancing in the center of the room, eyes closed as her arms were swinging above her head in my signature dance move.

Then Britt picked her up and spun her around. The serene look on her face was replaced with one of terror as she slapped at Britt's shoulders until she was back on her feet.

 _"Hey."_ I said as I barreled her way, feeling unworthy of her sweetness.

_"You're showing more, I figured they wouldn't let you in the club."_

_"Not without signing a waiver."_ I pouted.

 _"There's no waivers, here, San. Just you, me and apparently that giant child."_ She nodded her head towards B who was stripping to her sports bra and waving her shirt above her head.

 _"Are we ok?"_ I asked feel suddenly serious, when I saw the broken look in her eyes. _"Are you?"_

_"They recast my role. I...got fired. I broke my phone...had to get a new one, that's why I'm late getting home...I saw your note and thought I'd have a party on my own...hoping you'd show up and we could have our own...club night."_

_"Those assholes!"_ I growled as I pulled her against me and slow danced to a song that was meant to be heard at a rave but I didn't care.

 _"Should I go?"_ Britt asked, sounding drunker in the ten fucking seconds we left her alone.

Quinn shook her head.

_"Need a trinity night...is that weird?"_

_"Only if you make it weird."_ B said and then leaned in and kissed Quinn right on the mouth.

Quinn pulled away from Britt and looked at me but I could tell that I was just...well turned on.

Jealous old me...was turned on by seeing them kiss.

 _"Go on."_ I said and then they were kissing again but Quinn's arm was still wrapped around me, her hand squeezing my ass.

Then they started laughing and Quinn looked at B and shook her head.

_"Well that was an experience."_

_"If you kiss Santana like that, then I approve."_ Britt giggled and then kissed us both on the foreheads before going back towards the kitchen.

 _"What the fuck was that?"_ I asked, the grin on my face never leaving.

Q shrugged. _"I'm emotional, wanted to see what the hype was about. Meh. I'm better."_ She said, purring against my lips before kissing me hard.

She tasted like cherry chapstick and whatever tequila Britt had been drinking. My hands were groping and hers were scratching as we made out in the middle of my living room like two horny teenagers.

There was a wolf whistle and then Britt was yelling something incomprehensible before shutting the door to my second bedroom that just doubled as my closet. There was no bed, just a really comfortable couch and I was sure that she'd be just fine.

I look in Quinn's eyes and see indecision there but frankly, I'm not interested in whatever dark, depressing, skanky rabbit hole she wants to go down.

All I want is to dance.

So I turn around, back my ass up against her and pull her hands to my belly.

It takes her a second but then she's pressing her lips to the back of my neck and grinding against my ass.

 _"There she is."_ I mutter as I shake my ass.

_"You look so cute in my dress...I just want to bury my hands under there and have my way with you...I read your newest chapter...it was hot."_

_"Do it."_ I urged her.

* * *

My face was pressed against the counter top as her hand pressed into me from behind.

 _"Fuck!"_ I yelped, not caring who heard us as she growled and worked through her frustration of being fired.

 _"Spread your legs for me, baby."_ The rasp in her voice was enough to make me cream myself.

When she had more access and my knees were screaming at me to sit the fuck down since I was starting to feel heavier, I let out a deep groan as I came.

Then I was falling to my knees and panting.

I was working on catching my breath as the music stopped and Quinn was kneeling beside me, thrusting a bottle of water in my face.

 _"Too much?"_ She asked looking so worried.

_"Q?"_

_"Yes, baby...talk to me."_ I looked at her, tears blinding me.

 _"I think I'm too pregnant to act like I'm not anymore."_ I whimpered.

 _"Oh yeah, I know that point."_ She brushed my hair from my face and kissed my cheeks. _"Want to climb on the couch and watch trashy television with your tub of ice cream?"_

 _"Mmmhmm."_ I nodded, my lip still poked out.

_"Want to take a shower first?"_

_"Yes please?"_

_"Are you going to only get more adorable as this goes on?"_

I shrugged. _"Probably but like a killer teddy bear with razor blades in his fur."_

_"Oh joy."_

_"But you know like...retractable ones that don't poke my boo thang."_

_"Okay, sillykins...let's get you up and naked."_

_"Is there a way to still...you know do it without my knees feeling like a mafioso took a bat to them?"_

_"Yes, my love."_

_"Are any of those things we can do in the shower?"_

_"Didn't you just have two orgasms?"_

I pouted again. _"You set a precedent with five at least...it's not my fault you can't live up to your own hype._ I challenged.

Knowing what I would get out of poking the bear.


	12. Love I'm Given (Ellie Goulding)

My last day of work coincides with the day that my divorce becomes final and I'm overwhelmed with emotion over it.

The last few weeks, Britt had been coming by every day when Quinn was at work or just to check in on me and bring me food.

If it wasn't for my ex-wife, I would not have been able to gain the weight I needed for my body to support two beings but she was feeding me because she knew as well as anyone, how much time could pass before I remembered to eat.

Sure I was eating a lot when I DID eat but that didn't mean that it came naturally.

Pregnancy doesn't solve a lifelong eating disorder and B knew that...she knew me.

It was at the end of my shift when I was walking out of the hospital, that I felt a pain in my side and ended up leaning up against the wall until I caught my breath.

 _"Hey, you okay?"_ B said as she leaned out the window of a cab.

_"No."_

_"Do you need to go back inside and get checked out?"_

_"No...just tired."_

_"Have you eaten today?"_ She asked as she stepped out of the cab and pulled the door open.

I looked at her and thought about it.

And no...I hadn't.

_"No...forgot."_

_"So you're probably dehydrated too?"_

_"Possibly."_

_"Let's get you some food. What do you want?"_

_"To not pass out."_ She looked at me for a moment and then nodded as she helped me into the cab.

I leaned against her and closed my eyes as the dizziness hit me.

_"Did you do surgery like this?"_

_"Yeah...I get in a zone and can forget most things but what I'm doing...but then the air hit me and my body...crashed."_ I yawned.

_"That's terrible."_

_"I know."_

_"Does Quinn know?"_

_"No...and you won't tell her."_

_"Nope but you will...don't go into another marriage carrying baggage...now that this one is done."_

_"It is?"_

_"Today...I was coming to get you to celebrate but then I saw you hugging the wall."_

* * *

Britt has always been more clever than she seems, she was texting the whole time that I rested on her shoulder and then the cab stopped on a side street.

 _"Come on, she's waiting."_ She mumbled...helping me out of the car.

I felt so foggy as I let her take my hand and lead me into a restaurant.

We slid into a booth in the back and there sitting across from me was Quinn...looking worried.

And in front of me was a burger, fries, a salad, and a milkshake.

 _"Eat."_ She said, looking down at her phone with a glare before turning her glare on me.

So I did and the more I ate, the more I perked up.

 _"Thank you."_ I muttered when I was half through my burger.

 _"I need to tell you something."_ She said, once I was coherent.

_"What?"_

_"I quit today, they kept jerking me around and I was fed up...your dad already got the pool house fixed up for us...him and your sisters will be here tomorrow. Are you ready?"_

_"To marry you? Hell yes."_

_"Can I come?"_ B asked and I nodded.

_"You're our flower girl."_

She fist pumped. _"YES!"_

* * *

The next day, we got married under a tree in central park, Quinn in tears as she held my hand.

 _"How do you feel?"_ I asked her after she slid a wedding band on my hand.

 _"Like your wife."_ She said.

_"Damn right!"_

Papi insisted that we take pictures on the bow bridge.

Then we went to a swanky place in midtown and ate so much that even I was stuffed.

 _"Now what?"_ Q asked me as if being a wife made her subservient in some way.

_"What do you mean? We go home and fuck as Hot bitch and wife...then we pack our shit, ship it to Lima and we fly off to our new home while I'm still allowed to fly."_

_"You don't want to wait until they're born?"_

_"Do you want to take two newborns onto a plane, Q?"_

_"Touché."_

_"So first we have sex?"_ She said leaning into me and kissing my neck while we still sat in the restaurant in front of my family and B.

_"Mmmhmm."_

_"Then we pack."_ Her hand slid beneath the table and up my skirt.

_"And then we ship it."_

I was getting wetter by the second.

 _"Yes."_ I whispered as her fingers traced my damp panties.

 _"Hey! Are you two getting frisky?"_ B said drawling attention to us.

 _"Not anymore."_ I growled.

_"Good because I'm happy for you but since I've seen you naked I can just imagine what's happening."_

Jealous Q glared at B.

_"Hey, no more of thinking of my wife naked."_

_"Does that go for me too?"_ Celia said and I balked.

_"On that note, Q, baby, I think it's time we left."_

_"Say less."_

* * *

We don't go back to my place, instead we go to a hotel, get the honeymoon suite and immediately she's on her knees as I sit on the bed and spread my knees.

_"Yes!"_

She's working me up more than ever before, like she'd been saving a part of her sexual self for marriage.

And I was here for it 100%.

She was down there pressing her fingers into me and I was just moaning and shit...feeling like I was gonna lose my voice when there was a knock on the door.

I felt relieved when I got a moment to breathe.

She pushed in the room service cart and then was on me again.

_"Good God, what are you doing to me?"_

_"Fucking all your old bitches away."_ She muttered as she nibbled on my neck.

I know she meant it as a joke but I stilled her hands.

 _"Hey."_ I said and waited for her to crawl up the bed and look me in the eyes.

_"Yeah?"_

_"You have nothing to prove. My pussy is all yours until it's old and shriveled up."_ She made a face but it only made me grin. _"I love you, Lucy Q. That's it...just you and yes I love watching you make out with B but that doesn't mean I want her more than you."_

_"You don't? So you're like opposed to a threesome, then?"_

_"No, never said that but that's a decision we'd make together...when my body is hot again and we've dumped the kids off on some unsuspecting relative."_

_"So I'm not a rebound?"_

_"Nope, Felo was my rebound and Sheedz for a time but you...I just couldn't keep existing while ignoring what I wanted all along."_

_"Me?"_

_"You."_

The lovin with Q is sweeter after that, more enjoyable. Once she was done trying to compete with the ghosts of my past, I felt like I could let down my walls.

_"You know how we want to be surprised about genders?"_

_"Yeah...open."_ Q says as she dangles a chocolate dipped strawberry above my lips. I suck it into my mouth with her finger tips. _"What about it?"_

_"We should at least have names figured out. Like androgynous names that can go either way just in case their body doesn't match their insides."_

_"I never thought of that."_

_"Parents work hard to pick names...I'd be crushed if one of them is like fuck the name you chose, call me Hamlet or some shit."_

_"Hamlet, though?"_

She smirks as she feeds me more strawberries and I wait for a response but I can tell what she really wants.

_"What is it, Q ball?"_

_"I just...don't care about that right_ _now_. _We have time. All I want is you panting and squirming like a bitch in heat."_

_"Oh."_

And it's the wrong thing for her to say because all I hear is the words I don't care.

I shut down on her and just open my legs, smiling and closing my eyes.

_"Suit yourself, but you'll have to do all the work."_

_"Don't I always."_ She jokes and it strikes another nerve.

I don't say anything in return, I just grind on her face until I climax.

She's the actress but I put on an Oscar worthy performance.

And she doesn't notice.

It strikes me then that we moved too fast.

We were the same age but losing Mami had aged me...so had being divorced.

Never in my life did I think that I could out mature Quinn, but the day had finally come.

And I felt bitter about it.

But she doesn't notice.

Until she does.

* * *

I'm laying in bed, my back to the room as I stare out over Manhattan. It's been 12 hours since I've spoke a word to my new wife and she's panicking.

How do I know she's panicking when she's been casual?

Because after I refuse to eat two meals in a row, I feel the familiar body of my ex-wife spooning me.

_"What did you say to her, Q?"_

_"I don't know what you mean."_

_"This is the way she gets when you've blown her off in a sweet moment, so what did you say to her...think."_

I'm crying now because it took Brittany all of five seconds to know what was wrong.

And now I was thinking I had made a mistake.

_"You didn't make a mistake. I'm just your best friend. Like I said, foremost expert."_

I sniffled as Quinn came into my line of sight and wiped my tears.

_"I do care, S, I was just excited about being married. I have a whole list of names that I've been saving in my phone for months. Look."_

She holds up her phone and sure enough she's got a list of names.

_"Then why did you...and then with you doing all the work...it's hard for me."_

_"Well she's not wrong."_ B said, _"You are a pillow princess."_

Q glares at her in an attempt to defend me but I don't need defending from B. She gets ahead of herself and doesn't respect boundaries but she loves me.

We are a packaged deal.

 _"B...can you...like be quiet."_ I muttered and she goes to pull away but I stop her. _"But don't like move because you are cool and I'm super hot."_

So Britt stays while I look at the list and Quinn stays kneeling at my side.

_"Forgive me for not knowing when to turn off my bitchiness?"_

_"I forgive you."_

_"Oh thank God."_

_"On one condition."_

_"Name it."_

_"You get poopy diaper duty for the whole first month."_

She grimaces but then nods.

_"You got it."_

_"And."_

She rolls her eyes. _"Yes?"_

_"I get a favor down the line and you have to say yes."_

_"Uh...anything?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Fine."_

_"Promise?"_

_"I promise."_

Britt cackles and mutters loud enough for Q to hear, _"You're so gonna get fucked in the ass."_

_"What?!"_

_"Oh nothing...who wants a Happy Meal?"_ She changes the subject but the damage is done.


	13. You Changed My Life (Bob Dylan)

We'd been back in Lima for a week, the newly renovated place we were staying was only steps away from my childhood home but Papi seemed to be too preoccupied with work and my sisters that first week to be nosey.

He and Mami differed there, she would have been all up in my world from the moment I stepped foot in that house and never left.

I kept bursting into tears when I thought of what I was missing with my mother.

Then there was my lack of anything to do at all.

I was so fucking bored, which meant that I had nothing else to do but to follow my sisters around.

Snore.

It took me six days before I was leaving the house to go track down my father.

He was in his office at the hospital watching television and eating a chalupa.

_"Word, Papi. You left me at the house with all those pendejas while you sit here eating Taco Bell?"_

_"You want?"_ He shoved a wrapped taco at me and I didn't even pretend to reject it. I sat down across from him and began to scarf down the chalupa.

_"Slow down, mi'ja."_

I glared at him and then I groaned.

He sat up and looked me over.

_"Are you okay?"_

_"No, I have this pain in my side that won't quit no matter what I do."_

_"Finish eating. I'll track down your new OB."_

_"Thanks, Papi."_

_"Did you tell your wife?"_

I shook my head as I finished my chalupa.

_"She looked so peaceful, so I didn't bug her."_

_"Call her, just in case this is something more."_

_"Fine."_ I rolled my eyes.

* * *

 _"I can't believe you've been in labor for hours and you didn't notice."_ Quinn said to me as I laid in my hospital bed munching on ice chips.

_"High pain tolerance, not my fault."_

_"You were dilated 4 centimeters, Santana!"_

_"If you're going to harass me, you can leave, Lucy. I'm really not in the mood."_ I said and then I reached for her as my contraction came, pain shot across me and I had the sudden urge to push.

_"You're doing great baby."_

_"I need d-doctor."_ I whimpered.

She hit the pager and someone came in moments later while I was curled up crying.

_"How are you doing, Santana? Is it time to check your status?"_

_"You tell me! What am I paying you for!"_ I snapped.

She chuckled and then got down there, took like one look and then snapped off her gloves.

 _"I'm going to grab the doctor."_ She said.

 _"What the hell?!"_ I screamed after her.

_"Baby, you need to breathe."_

_"Why?"_

_"I think it's time."_

_"Wait...I'm not ready, Q. Don't make me do this!"_

Now she was smiling with that patronizing look, fuck her.

Ugh, I wish.

The doctor strolled in with her bright smile with my father just behind her, a grin on his face.

_"I hear you are ready to push, Santana."_

_"Fuck!"_ I yelled as another contraction hit me. _"Get them out! Fu..."_ I was breathless suddenly and feeling lightheaded.

A mask was put on my face and then Papi and Quinn were on either side of me, talking me through the most painful thing I could have ever imagined.

* * *

Seeing their little faces looking up at me was the best thing I could have ever imagined.

I held them in my arms while Papi took pictures and then Quinn was next to me, taking our son and looking down at him like he was the best thing on Earth.

And he was.

Papi was in tears as I handed him little Maribel.

_"You are going to be just as amazing as your Abuela little Mari."_

He kissed her and prayed over her. She wrapped her little hand around his pinky and he cried even more.

_"Papi you're going to get your tears all over her...your crying face is going to scare her."_

He stuck his tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes and then looked at my wife, she was near tears too.

 _"You okay, baby?"_ I asked and she nodded.

_"Yeah. What name are we going with for him?"_

_"Remember what you wanted to call Beth if she was a boy?"_

_"Yeah, Lucas."_

_"Well...meet Lucas."_

She came closer and kissed me...her lips like two delicious pillows.

_"I love you, Santana...I love our babies even more."_

_"You better. I'm gonna sleep now. Okay?"_

_"Okay, baby. We will make sure they are taken care of, rest."_

I nodded and then puckered my lips again until she was kissing me.

Then she brought Lucas closer so I could smell him, kiss him, and whisper to him.

Papi did the same. Little Mari had that freaking mole that I had been born with beneath my lip...she was adorable with it.

_"She's your twin, mi'ja."_

_"Look out world, there's two of us."_ I whispered to her and then kissed her sweet cheeks.

God. I was like a real mom now.

And I knew I'd do anything to protect them.

I just hoped that I was as a good a mom to them as Mami was to me.

Tears came and then Papi was hugging me lightly, my daughter between us.

_"She saw them before they got here, mi'ja. You'll be just as amazing as her. I won't let you mess it up."_

_"Thanks, Papi."_ He kissed my cheek.

_"Rest."_

* * *

Thank God for Q...she stepped up and let me sleep as much as possible while we were in the hospital.

And when we returned to the house, she was like a fucking body guard when it came to letting me have time alone with the babies and to myself.

There's no way I could have done this without her.

After a week of baracadding ourselves in the house, my bodyguard was bum rushed by the only person that could slip past her...Brittany.

I was curled up in bed, after feeding the two hellions until my boobs were empty, my body exhausted from the effort when a body collided with mine.

My first instinct was to yelp but I knew that any loud noise would wake up the kids and I just could not make more milk happen in that second.

 _"You're a mom!"_ She whispered excitedly.

_"I am."_

_"Everyone said you did so good."_

_"Yeah? Where is everyone, Q was supposed to be letting me sleep."_

_"Oh, I bribed her with bacon. She's in the kitchen of the main house with your whole family, they are all here to see you."_

_"Noooo."_ I whimpered.

_"Don't worry, Quinn is only letting a few people at a time come down here. I shoved a bunch of bacon at her and then ran."_

Sure enough, the room door opened and there was my wife, breathless with greasy lips.

 _"Seriously, B."_ She scowled.

One of the babies let out a whimper and I shushed her.

_"Be still."_

We all froze and waited for the cry but it didn't come.

Thank God.

* * *

 _"Are you mad that I asked her to stay for a while?"_ Q asked as she holds me that night and I just snuggled against her neck.

 _"No. There was a time that I thought she'd be the mother of my kids. Seeing her with them just feels right, even if reality looks different."_ I said and before Quinn could overthink it, I brushed my thumb over her wrinkled brow. _"They're yours, baby."_

_"I know what you meant. I'm secure in us, S. Nothing she does can change that."_

_"Really? Not even random makeouts?"_

_"How are we still talking about that?"_

_"You and her making out is at the top of my spank bank. It was a wet dream of mine all through high school. Starting together, coming together."_

_"I thought it was ending together?"_ Q raised a brow.

_"Coming, ending...semantics, Q."_

_"On another note, I love you, I'm so proud of you...you're beautiful."_ She said, changing the subject.

_"I know all that, why are you trying to blow my head up?"_

_"Because every time I walk in a room and see you or I hear you singing in the shower or the kitchen, my heart just aches. I can't believe that the love of my life was just right in my face this whole time."_

_"You're getting sappy, Cap."_ I teased.

_"You make me this way. You've changed my life...all three of you."_

_"The feeling is mutual, baby love."_

_"I know I can't do stuff to you yet, but we can make out right?"_

_"God, yes."_

She kissed me then, taking my breath away and I just leaned into it.

Even now, she was all that I wanted and needed.

She'd saved my life. There's no doubt in my mind that if she hadn't agreed to be with me, that I wouldn't be here...alive.

Things got pretty dark but with Q as my wife and the mother of my children, I felt like Mami and fate had laid a hand.

We kissed until sleep took me under and my dreams were filled with laughter...love...and that smile.

God, her smile.


	14. 3 (Britney Spears)

_"Wait so you haven't left the house since you got home?"_ Britt looked shocked a few days later when she was moping around our house like she was on punishment.

 _"No."_ I said as I washed bottles while the babies slept.

_"And Quinn, you haven't pushed her to leave? I mean, you at least go for a run everyday."_

_"I remember what it was like after giving birth, B. She has stitches and needs to be resting."_

_"It's been two weeks, come on...how about a walk around the lake. We can go see the ducks. Please, Tana."_ She said to me and I scowled.

 _"I've always hated that nickname...why not just Ana. It's a real name."_ I was super grumpy because no one was allowing me coffee and it was starting to make me crazy. The whole breastfeeding diet that Quinn had me on was so fucking bogus but I trusted her.

Even if I was in agony.

_"Leave the kids with Quinn and let me take you for a walk."_

I looked at Quinn and she shrugged and smiled.

_"You should go, love. We have tons of milk, the lake is like five minutes away and they will be with me."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes. She's right. You do need to start getting out."_

_"Fine, but you'll call me if they need me."_

_"Right away."_

_"Okay._

_"Yay!"_ Britt jumped up and down clapping her hands, her boobs jumping a little too much.

 _"Are you wearing a bra?"_ I asked her. Quinn looked up from her script and then straight at B before looking at me with a raised brow. _"Relax, Q...it's just super obvious."_

_"Is it? Maybe I'll get lucky. I lost it, my bra, I think your washing machine ate it."_

_"Of course, B. That must be it. I'm going to put on my shoes and we can go."_

* * *

The walk around the pond, with Britt's pinky linked with mine, reminded me so much of our relationship and of Mami.

It'd been an eternity since I had one of those dreams of us walking together and it made me ache.

 _"I'm glad I got you alone...now we can really talk."_ B said after we'd been walking a few minutes.

_"About what?"_

_"I got offered a job to be the cheer coach at McKinley."_

_"What?"_

_"Sue is retiring and with Quinn's back held together with that metal stick and you being a doctor, she only had one choice to whip her girls into shape."_

_"So she called you."_

_"Yes."_

_"And you are asking me if it's okay?"_

_"Well yeah, I don't want you to think that I'm following you here."_

_"If I hadn't moved back, would you have taken the job?"_

She shrugged. _"Maybe. You know my sister is still here, we haven't been close in a while. It'd be good to see her before she is off at college, completely ignoring me."_

_"What about your other half?"_

_"Oh, that...she kept accusing me of sleeping with you and cheating with other people."_

_"So what...it's over?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Wow."_

_"You were it for me, Santana, that's not gonna change because you turned to Quinnie. Maybe I'll fall in love again, there's so many choices, guy or girl, even though Lima is a smaller pond, I think I can work with it."_

_"Have you told Q?"_

_"I did, first day I got here. She wanted me to tell you, so you wouldn't be surprised when I moved in."_

I stopped walking and waited until she was looking at me.

_"So you took the job already and what do you mean by moved in?"_

_"Well yeah, my parents live across the street, silly, you'd see me a whole lot."_

_"Right, how could I forget."_

_"I don't know but maybe you should visit them. You were family like a year ago."_

_"I know, I'm just recovering still. Those were not small babies. I swear they came out looking the same size as Berry."_

_"They did not!"_ She chuckled.

_"That's what it fucking felt like. I am so done having children. One of each is enough."_

_"What if they aren't the gender you think?"_

_"I don't care if they decide to become sexless monks in a yurt. I'm done pushing anything out of my vag."_

_"Even a fist?"_

_"Britt, that is not appropriate."_

_"I popped your cherry, everything is appropriate."_

I could feel the heat in my cheeks as we continued to walk to the side of the lake where the ducks were.

Britt fed them while I walked to the coffee cart and bought us drinks.

What could one coffee hurt?

* * *

I was in tears.

 _"Why won't they sleep?!"_ I wailed later that night when the babies were crying and not going down for the night.

Britt bounced into the room, still lingering when she could very much go to her parents house.

Everything was pissing me off.

 _"You think it's the coffee that you snuck at the lake?"_ I glared at B and then Quinn was laughing.

_"Of course it was, you gave them caffeine through your breastmilk, you did this to them, baby."_

_"Not on purpose, I just needz my coffee, Q."_

_"Next time get decaf. I'm going to strap them in the car and ride around the block, who's in?"_

* * *

Britt sat up front with Q and turned on gangsta rap lullabies that seemed to be the trick for my kids.

Of course they would be little gangstas.

Mami used to wish me on myself when I'd get all full of myself and I used to roll my eyes but I was pretty sure that her wish was going to come true.

At least it seemed to be headed in that direction, but at least I had backup.

 _"So when are we going to become a throuple?"_ Britt asked and Quinn nearly swerved into a tree.

 _"What?"_ She said a little too loudly.

_"Q, this is Britt, she's going to say off the wall shit. You can't nearly kill us every time she opens her mouth."_

_"Wanky."_ Britt said and I rolled my eyes and went back to watching my little hellions fall asleep as we drove the perimeter of town.

Up and down every single block in silence until Quinn regained her composure.

_"Britt, we covered this. I'm monogamous, meaning I only can handle one person at a time."_

_"Bullshit."_ I cackled quietly.

 _"That was high school."_ She glared in the rearview.

 _"What about you jumping from Celia to Santana?"_ B chimed in.

 _"Fine, look...I don't know if it's something I even want."_ Q said.

_"What about you, Santana, wouldn't you like it if I was still your wife too?"_

_"B...it's not that simple."_

_"But it could be. You could have two wives, double the boobs. You LOVE boobs, especially mine."_

Quinn was growling and I raised my bare foot and rubbed her arm.

She grabbed my foot with her free hand and massaged it with her thumb.

I groaned and for a moment forgot that I had been trying to calm her and not the other way around.

 _"Maybe we can fool around sometimes, but that's as much as I'm willing to share."_ Q relented and I was shocked.

_"Really, Q? Don't do something that makes you uncomfortable."_

_"I'm not. It has merit, you're a surgeon and I'm an actress...there are going to be times we wish there was a third person."_

_"My dad would freak."_ I admitted.

 _"Would he though?"_ Britt asked.

And she was right, Papi loved her, he'd just encourage us to be transparent and only do what feels good.

_"Look, B, even if we said yes...there's no way I'm having sex for a long time. I need my lady bits to be perfect before either of you touch me."_

_"So what about Quinn's needs?"_ B asked as she slid her hand onto Q's lap.

_"She's driving, move your hand before she kills us all."_

B pouted but pulled her hand away.

_"You two are no fun."_

* * *

Only we were fun.

With the babies asleep, Quinn and Britt broke open the wine and started reminiscing on the couch.

 _"Kiss her, baby."_ I said to Q and she raised her eyebrow. _"Just because I'm not ready doesn't mean I want you getting rusty...do it."_

 _"Is this a test?"_ She asked.

_"No. I want to test this permanent threesome thing out...but like without telling anyone else. Okay? I don't want to explain shit to Papi or my nosey ass sisters."_

_"Okay, pinky?"_ We did a triple pinky promise and then I looked at B.

_"The only way you get to do this with MY wife, is if I'm directing. Got it?"_

_"You're in charge, that's how I like it...you know that."_ B said, with those fucking sparkling eyes that made me fall in love with her the first time around.

Quinn crooked her finger at me and kissed my lips first and then looked in my eyes.

_"You're sure."_

_"Yes...you are a pro at taking direction. So I don't expect you going off script."_

She grinned, _"Got it."_

 _"And action."_ I said and Quinn was on Britt, kissing her.

I sipped my one allowable glass of wine and sat back on the recliner, watching my ex and current wife make out.

_"So hot, put her on your lap, B. Quinn grind on her the way I like, baby."_

They were moaning as they gripped and groped each other. I wished I was in the middle but for now, this would have to do.

Britt had pointed something out in the car, Quinn was a notorious cheater and while I knew she wouldn't do that to me, I didn't want her to even have the urges. As monogamous as she liked to believe, she was so NOT monogamous.

* * *

Britt had her fingers buried in Quinn when there was a knock at the front door.

_"B, go wash your hands. Quinn...go check on the babies. I'll answer the door."_

Sending them in opposite directions was best. I didn't want them going any further without me there.

We had yet to lay down some ground rules.

Papi wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my face.

_"How are you, mi'ja? I was just coming to drop off food before I head to work."_

_"Thanks, Papi. Britt's here to help us. The babies are asleep."_

_"You're eating?"_

_"Yes, Papi."_

_"You smell like wine."_

_"I know. I had some...just one glass."_

_"Okay. Where's Quinn?"_

_"Shower."_

_"Hi Mr. L!"_ B said as she came into the room with a glass of wine and a smile.

_"Hi Brittany, I hope you're not overstaying your welcome?"_

She rolled her eyes.

_"Please, they won't let me leave."_

_"Is that right, mi'ja. Best of both worlds?"_

_"What can I say, Papi. I'm irresistible."_

_"I see that. I'm going to head out, I'll see you all for family breakfast tomorrow?"_

_"We'll be there."_ I said.

 _"Good."_ He kissed my face and then patted Britt's shoulder before leaving.

I watched him through the window until his SUV pulled out of the driveway.

Shit...he looked a little too interested.

* * *

_"See what I mean, that was too close. He has a key, you know."_

_"Relax."_ B said as she brushed my hair out of my face before kissing my forehead. _"We will be careful."_

_"Come with me, Quinn is probably trying to rub it out in the shower. I want to see you do that thing with your mouth."_

She grinned.

_"You got it captain."_

We pushed into the bathroom and sure enough, Q was red faced as she tried to get herself off.

 _"Having trouble?"_ I asked as I slid open the glass and she glared at me.

_"Yesss."_

_"B?"_ I called back for her and she came in, naked and smiling.

Q looked at me.

_"Are you getting in?"_

_"No...I need to be ready for the wonder twins...but I'll be right here watching."_

Quinn had never gone this far with Britt and looked crazy nervous as Britt knelt in front of her.

I watched Quinn's face as Britt lifted Q's leg onto her shoulder.

 _"Oh God!"_ Q moaned.

 _"Do that thing with your tongue, B."_ I said and then Quinn was throwing back her head and gripping Britt's hair in her fists.

 _"Fuck, fuck, fuck...how...oh God."_ She was looking down in awe and then at me. _"You left this for me?"_ She squeaked.

Britt chuckled.

_"I left that for me, Q...I didn't go back to that because of you."_

_"Fuck, fuck, yesssss...oh God...yesss...I'm co...oh sweet...Jesus!"_ Quinn always looked beautiful when she came but seeing it from a distance was even more amazing. I was seeing the full picture and was glad that Britt wasn't seeing it all...this was just for me.

 _"Come out, B."_ I said, _"Let her clean off...I need to taste her on your lips...is that okay?"_ I asked Q and she nodded and waved me off.

 _"Yes...go...fuck."_ Q said.

Britt was dripping wet as she kissed me for the first time with tongue in longer than I could remember.

The taste of Quinn on her lips was something I could easily become addicted to.

What was happening?

Was this going to be...a thing?

Could we do this?


	15. Someone Special (Anna of the North)

It takes me exactly ten days to come to my senses.

And it happens just as randomly as it started.

Lucas has a fever and is screaming at me about it while Mari, already over her brother sleeps through his cries.

_"Shhh Shhh mi'jo, I'm here. The mean doctor says the medicine will kick in and make it better. I know it's not working, I'm waiting for Mama to come up here and help me."_

Lucas quiets finally and just looks at me with watery eyes.

I begin singing to him and his little face lights up, he's still got that shudder going from when he was yelling at me but he's still transfixed.

And then I hear it.

 _"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!"_ It's my wife...in ecstasy breaking a rule that I had put in place from the beginning. They could not fuck without me there.

Lucas closed his eyes and I tucked him against my bare chest, using the sling to hold him against me. He was less hot as he began to drool against me.

I took one last glance at Mari before quietly storming towards the sound of Quinn moaning.

* * *

They are in the dining room, my wife spread out on the table and Britt between her legs, eating her like a fucking Happy Meal.

My voice is low as I try to not wake the baby. _"Brittany Susan."_ She goes still and then drops Quinn's legs. My wife for her part looks bashful as she sits up but I raise my eyebrow. _"Don't you move."_ I say to her and she lays back, looking scared.

Good.

_"Hey...I um...know you told me not to do anything unless you were there...she just...that bikini...I...I'm sorry, Tana."_

_"Stop calling me that. Go wash your face and hands. AHORA MISMO."_ I growl at her like the fucking child she is, knowing that she knows Spanish just as well, if not better than I do.

And she moves faster than I'd ever seen her.

_"Santana, baby...please don't be mad."_

_"I'll do what I want."_

Britt comes back at warp speed, drying her hands on her shirt, with her face red from tears.

_"She's mine, B. I am hers. You are neither, so I'm going to need you to pack your shit and get the fuck out."_

_"Wait...what?"_

_"Did I stutter?"_

_"No."_

_"Dale!"_ I snap at her and she leaves the room.

I move over to my wife, who is laying there with just her bikini top on.

She's beautiful and she's mine, damnit.

_"San-"_

_"Finish yourself...nice and slow."_ I say to her.

_"Now?"_

_"Now...and be quiet, if you wake him...let's just say, you'll sorely regret it."_

She pales but then puts those magic fingers to work.

When her eyes close, I pinch her nipple hard.

 _"Shit."_ She hisses.

_"Eyes open...looking at me. I need you to remember who those orgasms belong to, til death do you part."_

* * *

Britt leaves without argument, she doesn't text or call me either...because she knows better.

Once the kids are up for their lunch, Quinn is actually helping me...dealing with a constipated, whiny Lucas while I happily rock Mari while I nurse her.

_"Why do you get the good one?"_

_"First off, they are both good. Second, Junior is feeling crappy and needs you to make it better."_

_"Junior?"_

_"Lucy Quinn...Lucas Quinn...he's your Junior, how are you just getting that?"_

_"Wait...you didn't tell me you put that as his middle name."_

_"I didn't?"_

_"No."_

_"Well, surprise, Mama bear...now take care of the kid. You owe me."_

She was kissing Lucas extra now as she danced around the room with him. Reminding her that he was hers, had fixed her attitude but she was still glaring at me.

_"I'm still the top in this relationship, Santana."_

_"Not with the way that Brittany was topping you...I've seen a whole new side of you, Lucy. Now, are you telling me that only my ex-wife gets to have you that way?"_

_"Well no...I'm yours."_

_"Good, it would do you well to remember that. It was a nice idea and sure, it would have been fun here and there but today crossed a line, I know you heard him screaming."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Not yet, you're not."_

_"What's that mean?"_

_"It means that you owe me a favor."_

_"I'm going to get fucked in the ass aren't I?"_

_"Language."_ I scolded, with a smirk as I switched the baby to my other boob.

_"Baby, I'm not built for that."_

_"How do you know?"_

_"I just...I can't."_

_"I thought you were mine?"_

_"I am."_

_"Then, at a time that I see fit, you'll prove it. In the meantime, no more getting off without me. I can't have sex, neither can you...not even with yourself."_

_"Oh, come on!"_ She said too loudly, Mari flinched and gummed down on my nipple. I groaned and looked down to see that flicker of mischief in her eyes.

Mami's wish had definitely come true.

Hello, mini-me.

* * *

Despite being exhausted new parents, Quinn and I manage to keep the babies alive for two whole months.

Their first shots happen with Quinn curled against my shoulder crying when they cry.

I feel a little weepy myself and know that the twin terrors, have us both wrapped securely around their fingers.

We arrive home to Papi and Felo sitting in the kitchen chatting.

It's the first time that Felo will be seeing the little lives that he helped create.

He is all smiles and gentle touches with them, then he looks us over and insists on taking them up to the big house with Papi so that we can rest.

I do not argue.

Neither does Q.

Instead, we pack up their shit and I spend 30 minutes pumping for them...then I look Felo in the eyes.

_"I plan to fuck my wife. I plan to sleep. If you can keep them long enough to let me do both of those things, I will fly to New York and assist you on whatever surgery you need."_

_"I do have a tricky one coming up."_

_"Is that a deal?"_ I mutter to him as we hang back out of ear shot of Papi and Q.

_"Deal."_

_"Good man."_ I slap him on the back like we are old pals and he pinches my cheek like the jerkwad he is.

When he asks for the stroller, I am even more in love with him coming and being the knight in shining armor. Yes...take the terrors!

I call them that but they are my heart beats outside of my chest and I spend at least twenty minutes fussing over them before they leave.

* * *

Quinn strips down to nothing almost immediately, knowing what I want just like she always does.

 _"Who said I was ready?"_ I say to her, my hand still on the door knob.

_"Aren't you?"_

_"You can't top from the bottom, Q. I'm not ready yet."_ She went to pick up her clothes but I held up a hand. _"Stay as you are, I like to appreciate a masterpiece when I see one."_

_"Okay."_

She goes to move and I move in front of her, running my hands over her shoulders and down her arms. _"No. I want you to stand right in this spot without moving until I'm ready for you. You have been going off script way too much, you've forgotten yourself. This partnership, this marriage is one where we both bring 100% of ourselves. Not 50 or 25...100%. Letting me handle a screaming baby while you get your rocks off...not cool...saying stupid shit to me right after we got married...not cool. Thinking that I bend to your will but you don't bend to mine, well that's just plain crazy."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I know, baby...I love you. I love us and our life together. You held me together when I was threadbare and near death myself. It was you who broke down my walls and owned every piece of me...because I let you. Now, it's time for me to do the same."_

_"What?"_

_"I see you, Q. You don't think I know what watching me give birth...and then bring home babies has done to you?"_

_"I love them."_

_"I don't doubt it."_ I tweaked her nipples, then went back to running my hands over her arms. She looked at me with fear in her eyes. _"I'm simply letting you know that I see the spark of jealousy...and want. You miss her. Have you tried reaching out?"_

 _"Not since..."_ She looked away, but I gripped her chin and turned her face back to me. Her eyes met mine, she was bare...open and crying. Good.

This needed to happen.

She needed to share this part of herself with me.

It was past time.

_"Since you tried to take her?"_

_"Yes."_

_"It's been a long time since then...what...ten years?"_

_"Yes."_

_"It's time for you reach out, send a birthday card or a letter. You need to heal that relationship, baby. I'm here to help you, however I can."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, I'm your wife, which makes her my step-daughter. I loved her when she was inside of you, even if I thought she'd be a lizard baby."_

Q rolled her eyes and finally I leaned in, kissing her soundly. Wanting her to feel me completely. Her hands were on my hips and I let them stay there but when she moved to my ass, gripping it, I slapped them away.

_"Baby, please?"_

_"I like it when you beg even if it doesn't change a single thing. I'm going to clean up around here...you will stay put, got it?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Good."_

* * *

I want to say that my sex drive came back like a raging storm after giving birth but the truth was, that I just wasn't feeling it like I wanted to be and I was married to someone who got it.

So when I left her standing there for too long and she called for me, I didn't answer.

Because I couldn't.

I had taken one look at the bed and passed out.

When I woke up, she was moving about the house, cleaning and singing to herself...completely naked.

I laid there watching her come into the room with folded laundry and a smile, it made my heart race when she grinned at me.

_"Hey there, baby. Did you sleep well?"_

_"Yeah, what time is it?"_

_"Just past noon, you slept for about four hours."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No. You needed it and I needed that time. I know you told me to stay put but, I couldn't do that. You gave birth to our amazing babies, you have been a superhero and I needed to show you how much I appreciate you. So I cleaned and I cooked...I also called Shelby."_

_"You did?"_

She looked anxious but then she smiled.

 _"I did. She told me that she'd been recording the soap and Beth has been watching me."_ She teared up. _"She knows who I am, baby."_

I felt my own tears coming. Q dropped down on the edge of the bed and opened her arms. _"Yeah?"_

 _"Please?"_ I pulled her against me and held her tight. _"Shelby told me she's proud and she congratulated us on our wedding and the babies."_

_"That's amazing."_

_"And...they live...only an hour away."_

_"Oh yeah?"_

_"Shelby is teaching still and she said that, she would love it if we could all get together, have a cookout."_

_"No shit...how do you feel?"_

_"Relieved. Grateful. I love you so fucking much, Santana and I never want to stop."_

I kissed her then, my body climbing over hers...she looked up at me with so much joy and happiness...and I felt for probably the first time, the love she had for her little girl in a different way.

Through the eyes of a mother.

She'd given up so much, she'd submitted to everyone's whims...always. Never taking...not really. No matter how selfish people thought Quinn was, it was never true. I was the selfish one, always taking.

My revenge plot failed then, because our relationship wasn't built on spite.

She was special and made me feel equally so.

_"I love you and I don't want you to owe me...I just want you to love me and only me."_

She caressed my cheeks.

_"I will never let another person, woman or man touch me the way that you do without your permission. I swear."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Does this mean you don't want to top me?"_

_"It's too much work...I much prefer not being in charge. I do too much of that outside the bedroom...in here...I just want to be yours."_

_"How do you want me?"_ She purred.

_"Slow and hard."_

_"Say less, baby...why don't you warm yourself up while I put this laundry away and I promise I won't fall asleep."_

She winked at me and then slapped my ass.

I groaned as I rolled away from her.

_"Ay, ay, captain."_

It takes me exactly ten days to come to my senses.

And it happens just as randomly as it started.

Lucas has a fever and is screaming at me about it while Mari, already over her brother sleeps through his cries.

_"Shhh Shhh mi'jo, I'm here. The mean doctor says the medicine will kick in and make it better. I know it's not working, I'm waiting for Mama to come up here and help me."_

Lucas quiets finally and just looks at me with watery eyes.

I begin singing to him and his little face lights up, he's still got that shudder going from when he was yelling at me but he's still transfixed.

And then I hear it.

 _"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!"_ It's my wife...in ecstasy breaking a rule that I had put in place from the beginning. They could not fuck without me there.

Lucas closed his eyes and tucked him against my bare chest, using the sling to hold him against me. He was less hot as he began to drool against me.

I took one last glance at Mari before quietly storming towards the sound of Quinn moaning.

* * *

They are in the dining room, my wife spread out on the table and Britt between her legs, eating her like a fucking Happy Meal.

My voice is low as I try to not wake the baby. _"Brittany Susan."_ She goes still and then drops Quinn's legs. My wife for her part looks bashful as she sits up but I raise my eyebrow. _"Don't you move."_ I say to her and she lays back, looking scared.

Good.

_"Hey...I um...know you told me not to do anything unless you were there...she just...that bikini...I...I'm sorry, Tana."_

_"Stop calling me that. Go wash your face and hands. AHORA MISMO."_ I growl at her like the fucking child she is, knowing that she knows spanish just as well, if not better than I do.

And she moves faster than I'd ever seen her.

_"Santana, baby...please don't be mad."_

_"I'll do what I want."_

Britt comes back at warp speed, drying her hands on her shirt, with her face red from tears.

_"She's mine, B. I am hers. You are neither, so I'm going to need you to pack your shit and get the fuck out."_

_"Wait...what?"_

_"Did I stutter?"_

_"No."_

_"Dale!"_ I snap at her and she leaves the room.

I move over to my wife, who is laying there with just her bikini top on.

She's beautiful and she's mine, damnit.

_"San-"_

_"Finish yourself...nice and slow."_ I say to her.

_"Now?"_

_"Now...and be quiet, if you wake him...let's just say, you'll sorely regret it."_

She pales but then puts those magic fingers to work.

When her eyes close, I pinch her nipple hard.

 _"Shit."_ She hisses.

_"Eyes open...looking at me. I need you to remember who those orgasms belong to, til death do you part."_

* * *

Britt leaves without argument, she doesn't text or call me either...because she knows better.

Once the kids are up for their lunch, Quinn is actually helping me...dealing with a constipated, whiny Lucas while I happily rock Mari while I nurse her.

_"Why do you get the good one?"_

_"First off, they are both good. Second, Junior is feeling crappy and needs you to make it better."_

_"Junior?"_

_"Lucy Quinn...Lucas Quinn...he's your Junior, how are you just getting that?"_

_"Wait...you didn't tell me you put that as his middle name."_

_"I didn't?"_

_"No."_

_"Well, surprise, Mama bear...now take care of the kid. You owe me."_

She was kissing Lucas extra now as she danced around the room with him. Reminding her that he was hers, had fixed her attitude but she was still glaring at me.

_"I'm still the top in this relationship, Santana."_

_"Not with the way that Brittany was topping you...I've seen a whole new side of you, Lucy. Now, are you telling me that only my ex-wife gets to have you that way?"_

_"Well no...I'm yours."_

_"Good, it would do you well to remember that. It was a nice idea and sure, it would have been fun here and there but today crossed a line, I know you heard him screaming."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Not yet, your not."_

_"What's that mean?"_

_"It means that you owe me a favor."_

_"I'm going to get fucked in the ass aren't I?"_

_"Language."_ I scolded, with a smirk as I switched the baby to my other boob.

_"Baby, I'm not built for that."_

_"How do you know?"_

_"I just...I can't."_

_"I thought you were mine?"_

_"I am."_

_"Then, at a time that I see fit, you'll prove it. In the meantime, no more getting off without me. I can't have sex, neither can you...not even with yourself."_

_"Oh, come on!"_ She said too loudly, Mari flinched and gummed down on my nipple. I groaned and looked down to see that flicker of mischief in her eyes.

Mami's wish had definitely come true.

Hello, mini-me.

* * *

Despite being exhausted new parents, Quinn and I manage to keep the babies alive for two whole months.

Their first shots happen with Quinn curled against my shoulder crying when they cry.

I feel a little weepy myself and know that they twin terrors, have us both wrapped securely around their fingers.

We arrive home to Papi and Felo sitting in the kitchen chatting.

It's the first time that Felo will be seeing the little lives that he helped create.

He is all smiles and gentle touches with them, then he looks us over and insists on taking them up the big house with Papi so that we can rest.

I do not argue.

Neither does Q.

Instead, we pack up their shit and I spend 30 minutes pumping for them...then I look Felo in the eyes.

_"I plan to fuck my wife. I plan to sleep. If you can keep them long enough to let me do both of those things, I will fly to New York and assist you on whatever surgery you need."_

_"I do have a tricky one coming up."_

_"Is that a deal?"_ I mutter to him as we hang back out of ear shot of Papi and Q.

_"Deal."_

_"Good man."_ I slap him on the back like we are old pals and he pinches my cheek like the jerkwad he is.

When he asks for the stroller, I am even more in love with him coming and being the knight in shining armor. Yes...take the terrors!

I call them that but they are my heart beats outside my chest and I spend at least twenty minutes fussing over them before they leave.

* * *

Quinn strips down to nothing almost immediately, knowing what I want just like she always does.

 _"Who said I was ready?"_ I say to her, my hand still on the door knob.

_"Aren't you?"_

_"You can't top from the bottom, Q. I'm not ready yet."_ She went to pick up her clothes but I held up a hand. _"Stay as you are, I like to appreciate a masterpiece when I see one."_

_"Okay."_

She goes to move and I move in front of her, running my hands over her shoulders and down her arms. _"No. I want you to stand right in this spot without moving until I'm ready for you. You have been going off script way too much, you've forgotten yourself. This partnership, this marriage is one where we both bring 100% of ourselves. Not 50 or 25...100%. Letting me handle a screaming baby while you get your rocks off...not cool...saying stupid shit to me right after we got married...not cool. Thinking that I bend to your will but you don't bend to mine, will that's just plain crazy."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I know, baby...I love you. I love us and our life together. You held me together when I was threadbare and near death myself. It was you who broke down my walls and owned every piece of me...because I let you. Now, it's time for me to do the same."_

_"What?"_

_"I see you, Q. You don't think I know what watching me give birth...and then bring home babies has done to you?"_

_"I love them."_

_"I don't doubt it."_ I tweaked her nipples, then went back to running my hands over her arms. She looked at me with fear in her eyes. _"I'm simply letting you know that I see the spark of jealousy...and want. You miss her. Have you tried reaching out?"_

 _"Not since..."_ She looked away, but I gripped her chin and turned her face back to me. Her eyes met mine, she was bare...open and crying. Good.

This needed to happen.

She needed to share this part of herself with me.

It was past time.

_"Since you tried to take her?"_

_"Yes."_

_"It's been a long time since then...what...ten years?"_

_"Yes."_

_"It's time for you reach out, send a birthday card or a letter. You need to heal that relationship, baby. I'm here to help you, however I can."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, I'm your wife, which makes her my step-daughter. I loved her when she was inside of you, even if I thought she'd be a lizard baby."_

Q rolled her eyes and finally I leaned in, kissing her soundly. Wanting her to feel me completely. Her hands were on my hips and I let them stay there but when she moved to my ass, gripping it, I slapped them away.

_"Baby, please?"_

_"I like it when you beg even if it doesn't change a single thing. I'm going to clean up around here...you will stay put, got it?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Good."_

* * *

I want to say that my sex drive came back like a raging storm after giving birth but the truth was, that I just wasn't feeling it like I wanted to be and I was married to someone who got it.

So when I left her standing there for too long and she called for me, I didn't answer.

Because I couldn't.

I had taken one look at the bed and passed out.

When I woke up, she was curled moving about the house, cleaning and singing to herself...completely naked.

I laid there watching her come into the room with folded laundry and a smile, it made my heart race when she grinned at me.

_"Hey there, baby. Did you sleep well?"_

_"Yeah, what time is it?"_

_"Just past noon, you slept for about four hours."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No. You needed it and I needed that time. I know you told me to stay put but, I couldn't do that. You gave birth to our amazing babies, you have been a superhero and I need to show you how much I appreciate you. So I cleaned and I cooked...I also called Shelby."_

_"You did?"_

She looked anxious but then she smiled.

 _"I did. She told me that she'd been recording the soap and Beth has been watching me."_ She teared up. _"She knows who I am, baby."_

I felt my own tears coming. Q dropped down on the edge of the bed and opened her arms. _"Yeah?"_

 _"Please?"_ I pulled her against me and held her tight. _"Shelby told me she's proud and she congratulated us on our wedding and the babies."_

_"That's amazing."_

_"And...they live...only an hour away."_

_"Oh yeah?"_

_"Shelby is teaching still and she said that, she would love it if we could all get together, have a cookout."_

_"No shit...how do you feel?"_

_"Relieved. Grateful. I love you so fucking much, Santana and I never want to stop."_

I kissed her then, my body climbing over hers...she looked up at me with so much joy and happiness...and I felt for probably the first time, the love she had for her little girl in a different way.

Through the eyes of a mother.

She'd given up so much, she'd submitted to everyone's whims...always. Never taking...not really. No matter how selfish people thought Quinn was, it was never true. I was the selfish one, always taking.

My revenge plot failed then, because our relationship wasn't built on spite.

She was special and made me feel equally so.

_"I love you and I don't want you to owe me...I just want you to love me and only me."_

She caressed my cheeks.

_"I will never let another person, woman or man touch me the way that you do. I swear."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Does this mean you don't want to top me?"_

_"It's too much work...I much prefer not being in charge. I do too much of that outside the bedroom...in here...I just want to be yours."_

_"How do you want me?"_ She purred.

_"Slow and hard."_

_"Say less, baby...why don't you warm yourself up while I put this laundry away and I promise I won't fall asleep."_

She winked at me and then slapped my ass.

I groaned as I rolled away from her.

_"Ay, ay, captain."_


End file.
